I need to start off this letter to you firstly by saying how sorry I am. From when you were in my tummy I started writing you letters, telling you what we got up to that month and what you had learnt and experienced. I wanted you to read them all when you were older and get a glimpse of what your early years were like. I started writing them on this blog, but Daddy used to print them out on nice paper so you could keep them too.
Then a few months ago I started getting a little lazy. Factor in a busy Summer where life got very hectic and I didn't have time/forgot to write your letters. I do feel a little sad that I haven't kept up with them but at the same time we have got my blog posts, our photos and videos to fill in the gaps. I have decided from now to just write them every now and again rather than monthly, but know that every word is just as heartfelt as before.
So what to say about my biggest girl? The first thing is just how much of a big girl you are now. I don't know when it happened but somehow my little toddler turned into a proper young girl. You have grown so tall, all your baby fat has gone (bar your little tummy!) and you are all lanky limbs. You also have the grace of an elephant, we definitely won't be enrolling in ballet any time soon- you are such a clumsy little thing who climbs, jumps and crawls all over us.
You are such a feisty lady, with strong opinions who isn't afraid to make herself heard but likewise you are shy and cling to Mummy until you have warmed to a person or a situation. You have things that you have really love and things you really dislike. For example you love 'boy clothes' at the moment- you very much have your own sense of style and you like anything that is dark colours, or shirts, trousers and leggings. Every morning you help me decide what to dress you in and off you go into your bedroom and shut the door and get yourself dressed, coming to show me yourself in your outfit with the biggest smile of pride on your face. If you don't like something Mummy has picked out we will have such a fight trying to get you to wear it, so we often let you choose for an easy life.
Your obsession with 'little bits and bobs' doesn't show any sign of waning. You are like a little magpie, but you just want anything cheap and what Mummy would class as rubbish. Things out of Kinder Eggs or any type of egg for that matter, toys out of party bags, and crappy pocket money toys you get at the garden centre are your favourite and you will hoard them under your pillow or by the side of your bed and put them in little bags. You still love to watch all these weird videos on You Tube of eggs being unwrapped or plastic toys being played with and I think that is where a lot of it comes from.
You still love Toy Story and anything related to it, and Pongo the toy dog is still your favourite thing to cuddle. You wouldn't go to sleep without him, but you aren't fully attached to him like LL is to her sheep, who she carries around with her everywhere she goes. Speaking of your little sister, you are still one in a million to her, caring for her and loving her completely, but as you both grow and your bond develops, you definitely wind each other up. Lately you have been not letting her have things you are playing with occasionally just to wind her up, and whereas before she wouldn't care, now has her own mind as well and will throw a paddy. This normally causes tears and strops all round.
On the whole you are a very good girl, very affectionate and loving, and a little comedian who loves to make people laugh. You pull funny faces and tell us funny stories, although at the moment toilet humour seems to be your thing- you love to talk about poo, bottoms and bits- we can only think you have picked it up at nursery! Our biggest arguements revolve around food, we battle with you on a daily basis and it is at an all time low- your diet at the moment consists of a few bites of pasta, curry or chilli before messing around and causing dinner time to be a stress, even things other children would consider 'treats' like pizza are not on your menu anymore. If it's green, fresh and healthy you won't touch it, yet you eat everything you are given at nursery.
Another thing guaranteed to make us clash is hair wash time. You cry and throw a fit, especially when it comes to brushing it. We leave your beautiful curls without brushing them for an easy life and then when we do brush them after a couple of days it is even worse, to be fair I can understand it probably does hurt, but it's a constant battle trying to brush it! But you love to splash in the bath and over the summer became a real water baby, loving to go swimming and gaining such confidence in the water.
Your sleep is still amazing and you are still napping at nearly four, although your naps have got a little shorter on some days. If you do have a short nap of around an hour, you just get up and cuddle with me on the sofa and watch the television, you know while LL is still asleep that it is quiet time so I do relish those moments with you when we snuggle together quietly.
You now go to nursery three long mornings a week, one day extra than your sister as we want you to get ready for school next September. You love nursery, and are now in the 'Lions' room- the preschool room where you are thriving. You are a well liked member of your group and they have never had to tell you off, saying you are as good as gold. Speaking of the S word, I cannot believe that in eleven months we will be saying goodbye to this chapter of your life. The thought of it makes me want to burst into tears, I am not ready for this next stage.
I know you will grow and thrive at school, but I am going to savour every single minute of this year, of having you with us and of being a team of three in the week. As much as you drive me mad, I adore being with you, love our days together and I am not quite ready to accept that I have to let you go a little bit. You are sweet, pure and full of love, with such an innocent mind and I know that come September a little of that will leave you. The other day you said to me 'How does Father Christmas know what toys you want?' to which I said 'Because he listens' and you replied 'Is he a little bit near the shops?' I find it hard to believe that you will all too soon be off on that journey and I will have to accept it.
So until then I am trying not to rush ahead, I am living in the here and now and relishing all those hugs and cuddles, and our little routine with you.
I am so very proud of you my beautiful girl. Stay little please. You are growing up far too fast.
I love you, always and forever,
But as always, you already knew that.
(You can read my other letters to my littles here.)