Needy.

When Mads was a baby we prided ourselves on such an independent little person.  From day one, she was always so confident, always the one off on her own in soft play, or not crying when I left the room.  Never really needy, happy to play on her own, and holding out her hands to anyone who wanted a cuddle.

Of course, as she has got bigger, she has lost her fearlessness a little, she now is a little shy before she gets to know people, and takes a while to warm up to new situations.  But for the most part she still is a really independent little girl.  She is affectionate and loves to cuddle and kiss constantly, but she has never really been clingy.

From around six months old she has been a Daddy’s girl.  She is utterly obsessed with him, and they are as thick as thieves.  There are some days when only Mummy will do, and now she is older she does have days where one of us is the favourite.  But for the most part her Daddy is the apple of her eye.  When she was a baby I was slightly envious of the relationship they shared.

LL on the other hand is completely different.

The baby of our family is so different to her big sister.  I can’t completely tell what kind of personality she is going to have yet, after all she is only young.  But she seems quieter, not quite as confident, but with a cheeky glint in her eye and a smile that lights up the room.

She is a Mummy’s girl through and through.  If she goes to someone else for a cuddle, she looks to me for reassurance and to check I am still there.  Depending on her mood she may cry and hold out her hands to me, and then once she feels safe will look back at the person and want them to talk to her.  It’s as if she wants to interact but from my arms where she feels comfortable.

She always has to be touching me constantly, and always has to be near me, even if she is just resting her head on my leg.  She climbs all over me and buries her head in my neck and nuzzles in.  If she is sad, or tired, then only Mummy will do.  Coming back to me will instantly stop her tears.

She loves her Daddy and you can tell that by the way she looks at him, but she is yet to have that bond with him that Mads does.  Her heart completely belongs to Mummy.  If I am in the room she will whinge to come to me, but if I go out or upstairs then she loves being with him.   It can be a little suffocating sometimes, but for the most part I love the fact she is a Mummy’s girl.

I don’t know what it is.  Mads was the first baby in our family and friendship groups so as such she was passed around constantly for cuddles and play time.  As such, I don’t know if that is what has made her more sociable and independent, and now a lot of the time people will chat to Mads as she is older rather than LL.  We also went to groups and classes that were catered for her age group, whereas with LL she often has to muck in with Mads and her social life- therefore a lot of time she is with me rather than interacting with babies her own age.

Maybe it is because when the four or us are together, Mr E tends to deal with Mads because she is older and I deal with LL because of feeding her.  I do remember that Mads became even more attached to her Daddy when I stopped breast feeding, so perhaps that will make LL become less clingy towards me.

Perhaps though, she is just a Mummy’s girl.  Perhaps she can feel the connection I have to her.  The fact that she is more than likely going to be our last baby.  The fact I am finding her growing up so quickly all a little too bittersweet.  The fact that I am relishing every single minute of her baby days.

Perhaps it’s just because she needs me just as much as I need her.

needy

 

41 Comments

  • Embrace the neediness! Long may the cuddles continue…..My 6YO is full of anxiety and neediness at the moment, and it’s both frustrating and wonderful at the same time, to have his softness back in my arms.

  • As you know, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt on the clingy second baby. She obviously went through her clingy stage a little earlier, but I completely understand how you feel. It’s lovely to feel wanted and needed and loved, but sometimes you just need a break from it. My clingy one has got better as she’s grown up. She’s still very much a mummy’s girl but not in the same suffocating way that she once was.
    I thought it would be the breastfeeding that ended the clingy stage, but actually she grew in confidence and independence before we stopped feeding. It was a development thing I think in the end. x

    • Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three says:

      I think you are right and this week she seems a lot better. Still clingy but not whiny, I think she may have been under the weather. x

  • Katie, my boys are exactly the same. CK is brave and outgoing but BB completely homely (in fact, for the past 24 hours, I’ve pretty much had to hold him the entire time but I think the flight and the move have scared him a little). Like Mads and Mr E, CK and my husband are as thick as thieves and I rarely get a look him. Although it can be tiring, I love that BB has chosen me and I’m going to make the most of those cuddles before he becomes as adventurous as his brother.

  • Aww I know the feeling, Luca is a massive mummys boy! He is super independent when he’s at the childminders and happy to be with other people but only if I’m not there. If I am he has to be fussed by me and held by me. I love it but like you said its frustrating at times. I try to remember that it won’t last forever and make the most of it, but it is a double edged sword at times xx

    • Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three says:

      It is hard when they are being especially clingy but usually I do try and enjoy the fact that she only wants Mummy. x

  • Wendy Stead says:

    Katie, I have that exact experience with my two girls… My oldest (now 5 1/2) absolutely adores her daddy, always has done. She can get quite jealous and it is really hard to explain to her that daddy needs to spend time with both her and our youngest (now 21 mths) who is looking for a little bit of daddy’s attention now.

    • Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three says:

      I definitely reckon I am going to have two Daddy’s girls eventually so in the meantime I am enjoying the fact she wants Mummy. Thanks so much for commenting Wendy. x

  • LauraCYMFT says:

    I’m sure as she gets older she will become more confident. By giving her those extra cuddles you are just reassuring her. They are only small for such a short space of time…I’d give anything to have my little ones as cuddly, needy babies again. x

  • J is such a high need baby! Cherry wasn’t that confident and I think it was mainly me she wanted for the first year or so but J literally wants me to hold him every second of the day. i did find it a bit suffocating when he was waking up all evening and night too but he has been a bit happier lately and has been sleeping better which is nice as I can refresh and be ready to hold him all the time again. If I put him down he just crawls around after me crying until I pick him up, bless him. I’m actually feeling ridiculously broody today and really struggling the idea of not having any more babies xx

    • Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three says:

      Maybe it is a second baby thing? And I also cannot imagine not having any more babies, but sadly I do think we are done at two. xx

  • Katie says:

    Like others have said S is similar too. Although he is ok being passed around he is always looking to me for reassurance and i think has a much stronger bond with me already than F at this stage. Maybe its a 2nd baby thing, although i too have been much more relaxed this time around savoring every moment of his babyhood x

  • Carie says:

    I think it’s lovely that she has such a tight bond with you. Kitty and I were inseparable when she was tiny but since Elma arrived she’s become much more of a Daddy’s girl and it’s Elma’s turn to be dividing people up as Mummy or not Mummy. I love that I can give her everything she needs, because I know that it won’t last forever.

  • expatmammy says:

    I agree embrace it, the differences between my two and amazing. Ive spent the last 3 years thinking my son preferred his daddy to me but its all changing

  • Meg says:

    I have a very needy little 18 month old little girl and absolutely relate to your last sentence completely, she needs me just as much as I need her. This little girl has healed so much in my world and I don’t mind one bit that she’s clingy and it makes me feel like superwoman when I can comfort her just by being me. xx

    • Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three says:

      I completely agree with you- it does make you feel like a superwoman- there is no feeling like it. x

  • Notmyyearoff says:

    She sounds so much like z was. He was a little cling on and only ever wanted to be cuddled by me if he was upset or ill. It worried me a bit as I was worried for ages that he wouldn’t have the same level of bond with his dad but I guess it’s just one of those things. He had an amazing relationship with his dad when r comes to playing. He’s becomea lot more independent as he’s got older but he’s still a mummy’s boy at heart I think.

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