My Little LL,
On the 11th October you turned 8 months old. Our life together is so full and the days are passing so quickly, I didn’t even notice the date until half way through the day. We are just busy- busy getting on with our day to day life, and whereas with your sister I knew her age down to weeks and days, with you I couldn’t tell you. In a way I feel guilty but at the same time, it’s because we are too busy enjoying every single second. Even the tricky days.
I cannot believe it has been eight months since that day we met properly for the first time. The day my big bump became you, my little person. The memories of that day will never fade, but they get rustier with time. That morning when everything changed. While every one else was just getting on with an ordinary Monday morning, feeling slightly glum about the weekend being over, our world was getting turned upside down. You came crying into the world and completed our family.
From the moment you rise in the morning, you are just a delight to be around. Always smiling, the big tooth smile that lights up your face. I look in your eyes and I just see love. Love for your sister, love for Daddy but especially love for Mama. You are a Mummy’s girl alright, so in need of a comfort from me when you are feeling tired or under the weather. Only Mummy will do, unlike your sister who was so independent. I love that about you. I love that you love me as much as I do you.
I could never imagine such love from someone so small, but I can just feel it from you. The way you wriggle out of whoever is holding you to come to me. The way you look around the room just to check I am there, and the way you look relieved when you find me. The way my touch makes you smile. The way nuzzling into my neck instantly comforts you. You are my comfort too- whenever I am feeling stressed or grumpy, I only have to pick you up and you make me realise that nothing else matters. Except you. You and your sister.
We have such a connection you and I. It is wonderful to experience.
Your sleep seems to have got lots better this month. You go down well at around 7pm and are generally sleeping until at least 6am, and then you come into our bed and feed/snuggle until the alarm goes off. Occasionally you wake up around 5am but if we go in and turn your sheep on you drift yourself back off to sleep. We have had a few 7 till 7’s and we most certainly can’t complain at that! We definitely have turned a corner but when we do have the odd bad night I have come to realise that these late night cuddles won’t last forever. That makes them easier to bear- in fact it makes them special. Nap times are still the same, you snuggle on the sofa and sometimes you go down for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but some days it’s more like a power nap. You need a sleep and get grumpy if you don’t have an afternoon nap.
This month has seen you on a quest to explore. You are on the move, not quite crawling, but dragging yourself when you want to go. You want to move, you want me to stand you up, you basically want to do everything your big sister does. You want to learn about the world- new things to play with, touch, eat- it’s exciting to watch you be so driven on your mission to learn, but at the same time it’s a reminder of what we are leaving behind. Those beautiful baby days; the milk coma snuggles, you falling asleep in my arms, and the exhilarating exhaustion of those first few weeks. It’s bittersweet.
Our ordinary days are just that little bit brighter with you being in them. You have no idea the effect you have on our family. The way your sister is with you, the way she protects you, looks out for you and includes you so tenderly in everything she does. The first thing she asks for in the morning is you. The way Daddy cuddles you and the look I see in his eyes when he looks at you.
And then there’s Mummy. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I am lucky enough to be able to raise you and your sister. It’s soppy but it’s true. I have some days where I can’t wait for you both to be in bed, those days where you are hard work, just so I can relax for a bit, but then after a few hours I always say to Daddy ‘Shall we wake them up for a cuddle?’ He never lets me, and to be fair I wouldn’t want to risk it, but the sentiment is there.
Mummy couldn’t love you any more if I tried. Thank you for being mine.