My beautiful little bird,
I need to start this letter with an apology. I haven’t written to you since you were two months and you just turned five months last week. This makes me feel awful because I wrote to your sisters so much more than this. However at the same time I don’t feel guilty because the reason I am not writing to you more is because I am enjoying every single second with you. Every.single.second. Time goes so quickly, I cannot quite begin to comprehend that you are already five months, and I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on anything. I don’t want to feel like I blinked and missed it.
I am making sure I relish every single moment with you. Even the hardest ones. And in turn you are rewarding us with being the most incredible joy. You are the most chilled out and happy little baby, smiling constantly and giggling at whoever you meet. I know everyone says that about their own baby, but its true. You are utterly transfixing and rarely stop smiling. It’s funny because when you were born, I could rarely put you down without you crying. I was worried I was never going to get anything done as you were a ‘clingy’ baby. Those days passed us by in a flash and now you are a happy, laid back and sociable baby. In fact you are a dream.
I feel different with you. I can’t explain it. Of course it goes without saying that I love the three of you exactly the same, with my whole heart, but at the same time my bond is different with all three of you. I don’t know what it is about you, whether it is because you are my last baby, or because you are a boy, but you have completely put me under your spell. I simply cannot get enough you, of your gummy smiles, the way that you wiggle when you smile at people, the way I look in your big blue eyes, those eyes that are so big they look shocked most of your time, and I see love. I can’t quite begin to imagine what our lives would be like without you in them, if we hadn’t made the decision to have a third baby. You filled a hole that we didn’t even know existed and we all adore you.
Of course having a young baby isn’t always easy, being a parent isn’t always easy, and our biggest hurdle at the moment is quite simply that you don’t sleep well. I always remember laughing with friends when I was pregnant saying that I was going to get a ‘bad’ sleeper this time round as the girls have always both slept amazingly. And surprise surprise karma has come knocking on my door- you don’t sleep too well. A couple of weeks ago I was really struggling with it, struggling with the hourly wake ups and I found it all so stressful. Since then though I have decided to deal with it the only way I can- I’m embracing it. I’ve decided that I am not going to stress about having you in our bed at 1am, or worry about ‘making a rod for my own back’, if we do then we will deal with it later. For whatever reason you sleep better next to me and I am going to relish it, relish the gorgeous nighttime snuggles we have. You won’t be eighteen and cuddling next to your Mama so for now we are going with the flow. Since I have started to embrace it, I feel so much happier about it, although there are still some nights when I get a little stressed out about it all, after all I am only human and I still get tired.
Currently as it stands you go in your cot in our room no trouble, around 7pm usually as you started to get tired at night. You then sleep till about 11 or 12, before waking up and having a little feed. You then go back down in your cot until around 1 or 2, before coming in our bed and snuggling next to me. You then sleep and feed on and off until morning, I really should make a note of how often it is, it is usually once or twice, but I must admit to giving you milk if you sound like you are stirring. But at the end of the day you can break a bad habit if you really need to and we can cross that bridge when we come to it.
You still aren’t rolling although you are getting close and in the past couple of weeks you feel more sturdy neck wise, so I don’t think it will be too long until you are sitting up on your own. We got the jumperoo down from the loft the other week and you like it, but not for too long. Your favourite toy at the moment is ‘muzzy bunny’ because you love snuggling him into your face, you are definitely one of those babies that likes to cuddle up to things, it’s really sweet to see. You have just started reaching out for stuff and are just on the brink of really entering a world of discovery. No toothy pegs have arrived yet, but judging by the dribbling it won’t be too long.
I should draw this letter to a close as it is nearly 10pm and I ought to think about getting some sleep. It sounds silly but I already can’t wait for the cuddles I will get from you later on. Our 2am snuggles when it feels like the rest of the world is asleep.
I won’t leave it so long for my next letter, I have left it far too late and need to catch up as you are already five months. If time were a physical thing I would grab it with both hands and tell it to slow down.
I love you my beautiful baby bird. Thank you for completing our family. Thank you for being all we could ever wish for.