I normally always write my ordinary moments posts the night before it is just go to live, on the Saturday night. Our lives sort of run a bit like clock work really, I guess that is the way it is when you have young children and routines. We get the girls to bed, Mr E heads into the kitchen to cook our usual Saturday fajitas (there’s nothing like being spontaneous eh?!) and I quickly write my post before turning off the computer and watching the rubbish Saturday night TV. Sometimes I may write the post earlier, if I have a particularly good idea of what to write about or a nice photo, but mostly it is the night before.
Yesterday I had all good intentions to do it. But I struggled, a) because I had a little baby boy on me who wanted my love and cuddles, and b) because I am just so tired. I think because blogging has become such a huge part of who I am, both personally and professionally, I sometimes don’t realise that at the end of the day I am still only just under four weeks postpartum. I really have cut down on what I am doing, I have neglected my favourite blogs for ages now, I don’t feel as though I know what’s going on in the blogging world, and I have turned down great opportunities in order to cuddle my little boy and enjoy this newborn period. But in turn that also makes me feel guilty because blogging is such a big part of my life.
Anyway I have a rather lovely excuse for being a little quiet in the blog world. This little baby is such a cuddly soul. While every day he is getting that little bit better at being put down, he is happy as long as he is fed well and not tired to go on his mat, or in his chair, or in his personal favourite position of being propped up on the sofa, but in all honesty his favourite spot is on you. Whether thats on your legs, in your arms, or curled up like a little frog on your chest. A lot of people have said to me that boys are more cuddly than girls, I find that a funny concept at this age, as surely all babies are cuddly as they don’t know any different? But there is something about this little boy that already at a tender age of just under four weeks, does seem a little different. It isn’t that he is more cuddly than the girls, but I think he just craves the cuddles more. It’s like he needs them whereas even from a few weeks the girls were more comfortable to be in their own space. Now though I have two lovely, cuddly girls, especially Mads.
Night time is a funny old thing for us at the moment. One of the luxuries of having a blog is I wrote down weekly updates for LL and monthly ones for Mads. I know exactly what they were doing at certain ages too. And our baby boy does seem to be following the same or similar pattern to what they were doing. All three of them were quite unsettled with wind in the early days and would wake every 1-2 hours in the first couple of weeks, slowly drawing it out to 3 hours, then 4 or 5 as the weeks went on, and then also they didn’t not particularly like their cot- they would go in it no problem the first bit of the night and then after their first feed they would get unsettled going in there.
The thing that is different this time around is that I feel more relaxed about things. With Mads I never let her in our bed, she had a terrible incident where she stopped breathing at a week old so as a result I became obsessed with doing things ‘by the book.’ With LL we did let her in our bed, generally from around 4am onwards because at the end of the day we had a toddler as well to entertain when we got up and we needed the sleep. This time around, LB comes in our bed anytime after his first feed, so it could be as early as 12 or 1am. I am quite strict when it comes to a sleep routine and I do think that age old thing ‘what if I am making a rod for my own back?’ but firstly I am shattered and need my sleep and secondly I do absolutely love the cuddles.
There is something about lying with him in the dark of the night that makes all those raw emotions of motherhood just come to the surface. While he is super cuddly during the day, at night it is something else. I can tell just even being near me soothes him and comforts him. It was quite something to feel so incredibly in tune with this tiny little person, and feel the love between us. We cuddle together as close as can be (him lying on my arm so there’s no way I could roll over in the night and hurt him) and there honestly isn’t anywhere I would rather be. It makes the night feeds more bearable and while I know one day I will need to persevere with him going back in his cot as I do want to get him into more of a sleep routine, at the moment I am just relishing these incredible cuddles we have.
This wonderful stage passes all too quickly and while I do admit that sometimes I do get nervous I am teaching him ‘bad habits’, I also have hindsight on my side and I know that I won’t get this time back. Soon I will look back, when he is six months and ‘hopefully’ sleeping well in his cot in his room, and I will miss it so much. So in the meantime I am just going embrace my tiredness, the fact I can’t get anything done, the fact that other things have to take a bit of a backseat, and really, really enjoy these cuddles.
As there really isn’t anything more intoxicating than cuddling a newborn baby. Especially your last one.
(Some cuddly photos from the last few days from my phone. It is impossible to take photos with my DSLR because I am always cuddling him!)