My Beautiful Little Bird,
Yesterday you turned eleven months. In all honesty to me it feels like sort of a milestone month, even though you wouldn’t normally think of it that way. The last month before one. Probably the most bittersweet one of them all. Speeding towards being a whole twelve months old. A year. 365 days. No longer a tiny baby but until you start walking not really a toddler either. That sort of in-between stage, where you suddenly look a bit big to be going out in a baby grow, but at the same time look too small to wear shoes and toddle about. Almost like a funny little stage where you are half baby half toddler.
On one hand you still very much seem like a little baby to me still. I’m not naive enough to feel like you are still a tiny baby, because let’s face it of course you aren’t. That little newborn we bought home from hospital, the one who cried like a high pitched baby bird, the one who curled up like a frog on my chest, you aren’t that baby anymore. But at the same time, you still seem little. In the last week or so you have started moving, you have started doing that funny little dragging crawl to get from a to b, but it’s still pretty slow. You still snuggle up in my arms, you still lie with me and have quiet moments while you have your milk, and when you are asleep, with your beautiful long eyelashes framing your face, you still very much look like my baby boy.
At the same time though, there are glimpses of the little boy you are becoming emerging every day. The first one is most definitely your top teeth. It sounds silly but having previous experience with the girls, I was not looking forward to you getting your top teeth. They changed your little face, taking you from a little gummy baby with just your bottom two ones which looked kind of cute, to almost being able to see what you are going to look like when you are a bit bigger. We jokingly call you ‘old man snaggletooth’ at the moment because they are a little bit too big for your mouth at the moment, and you look funny. They’ve definitely changed your face, but you are a proud owner of almost four top teeth now. I wish they weren’t coming in so quickly, while the girls were quicker to move, you are definitely quicker to get more teeth, and I don’t like the way it has changed your little smile.
When you read this back when you are bigger, I am sure you are going to wonder why I was sad about you growing up. I’m not sad I guess, that’s not the right word. I am so incredibly proud of the little boy you are becoming and it’s a joy to watch you achieve these milestones. But that’s the problem. It is bittersweet watching the last ‘first’ milestones you will ever have the pleasure of experiencing. We always thought we were going to have two children, but then we decided that we wanted one more to make our family complete, and you came along. Even though you were very much planned, you’ve always felt very much like my ‘bonus’ if that makes sense? The most wonderful little bonus, who came along and completed our family and filled a hole we didn’t know existed. And that makes you growing up so quickly feel so nostalgic and sentimental indeed. While I’m excited to see what’s to come, I can’t help but feel a little emotional about all we are leaving behind.
What else has been happening with you recently? Well another big one to talk about is your sleep. When I last wrote to you a couple of months ago, your sleep was pretty dire. You were waking up every couple of hours and were sleeping in our bed the entire night. We finally got your room finished, and although I was sad and knew I was going to miss you in our bed with us every night, I knew it was the right time for you to go in your room. And for the most part you’ve been absolutely incredible. The very first night you went 7 till 3, then the next 7 till 4, then a couple of nights later you did 7 till 7. We were so shocked. You then had a spate of being poorly for a good couple of weeks and that set it back a bit, but now you seem to have got into a pattern where you go down awake (I think help you to learn to self-settle has been a god send) at 7pm and then usually sleep till around 5.30am. Whereas before you would come into our bed, have some milk and go back to sleep, now you seem to think it’s time to wake up. It’s a touch too early so I often feel a bit like a zombie, but we can’t complain really compared to how you used to be.
You are developing a cheeky little character and we can see little peeks into what your personality is going to be like. You now won’t sit still when you are on our laps, preferring to clamber all over us, pull my hair, tug my face (which really hurts!) or just generally be bounced up and down. We have a flight coming up soon and I am already wondering what on earth it is going to be like, as you will no longer be pacified with some milk. You do still love a good cuddle when you are sleepy, but for the most part you are now on a quest for discovery and are into EVERYTHING. When I am holding you, your little eyes are always darting around looking for what you can touch. It’s quite funny, you are constantly looking about to see what you can touch or grab. You have two personal favourite things at the moment, and of course they are things that you shouldn’t be touching. You absolutely love doors, you can have all sorts of toys on the floor and you’ll do your funny little drag crawl over to the door and just bang it back and forth- if it can bang against furniture or the wall and make a loud noise, then that’s even more of a winner in your eyes. You also love the hoover, constantly crawling over to it to get to it if it is out. But to be honest you love anything that you shouldn’t have- remote controls, toilet rolls, a nibble on a dirty shoe or two, my hair straighteners (that is one I have to be so careful about), pulling the fluff out of the bedroom rug, smacking your hands on the bedroom mirror…the list is endless. It’s funny to watch you learn and discover new things.
There are so many things on the horizon, that I am both looking forward to and slightly dreading at the same time. You’ve got your first birthday coming up, when you start to pull yourself up on the furniture, your first steps, your first words, your first day at nursery. Your little big sister went into nursery for two long mornings at just before one, and while I was sad I knew it was best to give me some time to work. I’m completely not ready for you to go, so I am trying to hold out for as long as possible. I won’t ever get this time back, and while I often get stressed out that I don’t have time to work, nursery to me really signals the end of this period in our lives. It’s the greatest pleasure to spend my days with you and while of course I need to work and settle into a routine at some point, at the same time I’d take all the 12am night working to spend my time with you.
Next month brings one and I can’t honestly can’t believe it. But until I will treasure this last month of you being under one. Age is just a number, but I’ll still be sentimental to say I have a one year old.
I love you my beautiful baby bird. Thank you for completing our family. Thank you for being all we could ever wish for.