My Beautiful Little Bird,
You turned nine months old this week. It’s a cliche to say it, but I really can’t believe it. Nine months of having you in our lives. I couldn’t possibly imagine not having you here now, it’s funny because I couldn’t imagine being a five, four was our normal, yet now I look at photos of the four of us and there is something so glaringly obvious missing- you. Yet at the same time nine months has passed us by in the blink of an eye. What happened to that tiny newborn? The one who I lay awake staring at all night on the first night he was born because even though he was fast asleep I was too nervous and running on adrenaline to sleep? The one who made me cry every single day for about a month because I was just willing time to slow down.
I knew it would go fast. I’ve been through this twice before. But I had hoped that time would be kind to me this time. The amount of times over the last nine months that I’ve stroked your head, lay so close to you, our bodies entwined together, and I’ve got tears in my eyes. Seeing you change and grow is the greatest privilege but it’s also so bittersweet. All the days that lie ahead of us are going to be wonderful, but there is nothing like those baby days. And while the last nine months haven’t always been easy, they have never been anything but one hundred percent worth it.
You are so different to how your sisters were. They had their differences as babies but on the whole they were pretty similar. You couldn’t be more different. At nine months you seem so much more of a baby than they were at this age. Perhaps thats me, perhaps I am clinging on to these baby days with all my might, not wanting them to slip to of my grasp. But you are different. You’ve only just started growing your hair, for such a long time I have called you ‘my little bald blue boy’ but now it is finally starting to grow quite quickly. Bizarrely considering the size you were when you born, you actually are the smallest out of the three of you at this age. I don’t know whether it is because you have had a couple of really harsh tummy bugs in the last few weeks, but you are quite a little dinky thing. I was reading back your biggest sister’s nine month letter and then I read your little big sister’s one too. They were both moving at this age too, yet you haven’t attempted to crawl yet. It’s hard to say if you are close or not, you are getting stronger on your tummy and you do manage to sort of turn yourself around in a circle, but whether crawling happens soon remains to be seen. I am in no rush for you to be on the move, I’ll be totally honest as that’s when any peace as I know it will be over.
But the main difference between you and your sister’s is your sleep. Or lack of I should say. At nine months both the girls were sleeping through but you are anything but. You are still waking a good few times in the night. However I should at least jump to your defence a little bit, I think a lot of it is my fault. In the early days you slept better in bed with me, snuggled up in my arms, and what started as a last resort at 4am when you wouldn’t settle, soon became ‘oh I’ll let him come in at 12am just to get some sleep’, to ‘aah he’s not settling its ok if he comes in at 10pm just this once’, to you soon not going in your cot at all. I’m not proud of it and while I have even said myself before that you can’t create bad habits, you definitely can and I have created some with you.
That being said, I know for a fact I won’t look back and regret it in years to come. Yes I am exhausted, yes there have been times over the last nine months where I have found it really tough and where I have cried out of frustration at 2am, but at the same time how can wanting to be close to your Mama ever be a bad thing? You are the cuddliest and most affectionate little baby I know. I thought the girls were cuddly, but you are something else. You adore your Mummy and it makes my heart swell with happiness, pride, love and gratitude. I won’t ever regret how we have slept the last nine months, we’ve had some incredibly special moments snuggled up together in the middle of the night. Over the next few weeks we are slowly getting your room ready, and you will have a cot in there, and while there is a big part of me who knows it is time for you to go into your own room, there is a small part of me that is going to miss our all night cuddles terribly. That said, I am sure you will still make an appearance in our bed at least at some point throughout the night!
Over the last couple of weeks I feel like we are getting into a slight routine when it comes to naps. You get so tired in the mornings that you are generally back down for a nap about 9.30am and you usually go about an hour or so, although sometimes it can be up to two hours. You then have another nap around 1.30pm but this one is a little more hit and miss, you sleep better if we are out and about, in the car or in your buggy, but if we are at home it can be anything from half an hour to an hour or so. It’s hard being the third baby because you do have to fit in around everyone else’s routine, but you are getting there and finding your own groove slowly but surely.
Food wise, weaning hasn’t gone how I thought. We started at seven months and within a couple of weeks you had a bad sickness bug and the progress you made just completely came to a halt. You really don’t like eating off a spoon, although over the last week or so you have got a bit better, so we decided to go down the baby led/finger food route. It’s been very hit and miss for the last couple of months, every time I feel we are getting somewhere you get poorly again, but we are persevering. You will pick at the odd thing, you are like your Mum and your favourite things are cheese and carby things like bread, but hopefully we will get there soon and you will grow to love food. I keep repeating the mantra that food is fun until one and I hope it all gets a bit easier soon.
As I said before you are a real Mummy’s boy and are happiest in my arms. However you are generally a chilled out boy during the day as long as you aren’t tired, and you will play on your mat for a good length of time now with your toys. But mostly you love a good cuddle and are more than happy to snuggle in anyone’s arms during the day, whether thats me, Daddy, Grandma, Auntie Anna, or even your sisters. You smile constantly and will happily beam at anyone who takes the time to look at you.
I could talk about you non stop, but I actually ought to draw this letter to a close as you are upstairs fast asleep waiting for me to go and snuggle you.
I won’t leave it so long for my next letter, I promise.
I love you my beautiful baby bird. Thank you for completing our family. Thank you for being all we could ever wish for.