{The Ordinary Moments 14} #11 ‘These Little Faces’

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blackandwhiteportrait

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These little faces…

These little faces are full of innocence.  They know nothing of the bad in the world, all they see is good.  They are pure, unspoilt, free from lines, freckles from the sun and blemishes.  There are no scars yet, no war wounds from a falling off their bike incident.  They believe in the good in people and that the little things are the most magical.  Sometimes I think I could learn from them.  They are a blank canvas, it’s our job to help guide them.

These little faces are full of happiness.  They smile and laugh constantly, their big blue eyes dance around and their little noses scrunch up in delight.  To see them happy, running excitedly as we chase them, swinging high and giggling on the swings, and letting out big belly laughs as we tickle them is quite possibly the best feeling in the world.  To experience their happiness makes everything worthwhile.

These little faces can be sad.  They can be scared, or poorly, or just want to cry.  Big, salty wet tears can fall down their chubby cheeks,  or collect in their beautiful long eyelashes.  These faces fit perfectly into the nook of my arm, their legs wrapped round my body, where I can gently rock them back and forth, back and forth.  I can stroke their hair, wipe away their tears and tell them that it’s going to be ok.  I would hold them like that every single second if I could, feeling their little hearts beat beat beating against my own. I like that I am the one who can make everything better.

These little faces can make me so frustrated.  They make me mad, angry and I can feel like the world is against me.  They can be angry, screw up in a grimace when they have a tantrum or a strop, and they can make me literally count the seconds until bedtime.  But once they are asleep and I sit down on the sofa and breathe a sigh of relief, it’s not long before I want to see them again.  To hold them.  I miss them while they are sleeping, and I often go into their rooms and wish I could wake them up for a cuddle.  These little faces look oh so peaceful when they are asleep. I would love to know what they dream about.

These little faces make me feel such a mixture of emotions.  I have never experienced a love like it, so pure and unconditional.  They have made me realise what it is like to experience the truest form of love- a love where there is nothing you wouldn’t do, or give up for them.  They can make me feel on top of the world, feel euphoric and feel a high like no other.  Yet just like a drug, they can make me feel at my lowest, make me feel like I am failing them.  Have I not played with them enough that day?  Should I have lost my patience over something so small?  They make my insecurities, my fears, and my anxiety go to a whole new level.  They make me realise my faults, yet they have also made me a better person.

These little faces will grow up.  They will change, they will mature.  Their little milk teeth will be replaced with gaps, before turning into adult ones.  Their smiles will change, and with it a little bit of their personalities too.  They will lose that wonderful stage where they have no inhibitions and where their whole heart belongs to their Mummy and Daddy.  Play Dough and dolls will be swapped for make up and gossiping with friends.  In the future they may even have their own families, feel all the things I am feeling now.  The years will fly by, they will grow, and I will be left wondering why time goes so damn quickly.  Why it is so fleeting.  I will be left with all the thousands of photos I took of their beautiful childhood years.  And the amazing memories.

Of those pure, beautiful little faces.

The little faces of my daughters.

 


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