{The Ordinary Moments 14} #14 The End Of A Journey…



I became a Mummy thirty-nine (ish) months ago.  And for almost twenty-four of those months I have shared a very special journey with my two little girls.  That journey is breastfeeding.

I had no idea whether I wanted to breastfeed before Mads came along, but after doing NCT classes I decided that I may as well give it a go.  Those first few days were horrendous and I had bottles of formula sitting there waiting for me to use, but after a short stay in hospital and a scare from Mads, I became determined to breastfeed my newborn baby.  I think I was exhausted, scared and some how thought in my head that breastfeeding would help protect her from germs and illness.  (You can read about all that here)  Luckily after a couple of weeks it got easier and I ended up feeding Mads for 11 months before stopping.

This time around with LL it hurt like hell again for the first week, but I had the benefit of hindsight on my side and I knew it would get easier.  So I perservered and I have really enjoyed my breastfeeding journey with her.  It got to 12 months and I told everyone, including myself, that I was going to stop, but here we are at nearly 14 months and I am still feeding her a morning and evening feed.

The thing is, I deep down don’t know if I am ready to stop, I am still clinging on to the fact that she is most likely our last baby and that I will never share this bond again.  It isn’t hurting us continuing, she only feeds for about five minutes and then it’s over.  But I have to stop at some point, and so this weekend is the time. I am in Bath for a hen do and I have decided that I will feed her before I leave and then as she is with Mr E for a couple of days it will be a perfect time to stop.  I will come back after two nights away and then we will just have to try and distract her from the idea when I am home.

It has been the most wonderful journey with my babies.  Those early days, when it was just us against the world in the middle of the night snuggled close together.  The way they both used to play with my hair, and gently stroke my skin.  Those snatched moments of eye contact and the way they used to stare up at me with such love in their eyes.  The times they would fall asleep on me and I would sit for ages just marvelling at how I managed to have a part in creating these amazing little people.  It’s a bittersweet memory of those newborn days, a constant reminder about just how quickly the time goes and how each and every moment is so fleeting.

I recently wrote an article for The Motherhood about breastfeeding and how I really don’t have an opinion on how other people choose to feed their babies.  If I hadn’t been able to breastfeed or hadn’t wanted to then I know I would be sat here writing the same thing about weaning my babies off a bottle.  It’s more just the fact that it is the end of an era, and it’s about letting go of that last little bit of babyhood.  Of milk being the thing they need to grow and thrive the most.

That said, breastfeeding has been a huge part of my life as a Mummy and I asked Mr E to take a photo of my little LL and I sharing what potentially was our second to last feed together.  It’s a grainy iPhone image but it is hugely sentimental for me.

It’s been a very ordinary moment for the last 13 and a half months.  But it’s been an extraordinary story I will never ever forget.

My little ladies are growing up so damn quickly.  And it is oh so bittersweet.


  • Carie says:

    I think you’re right, it’s as much about it being the end of the journey as anything, although having said that nursing for 11 months and then 14 months is awesome! I always say I’m an accidental extended breastfeeder – I never set out with any time frame in mind and in the end it was such a lovely bond that we just kept going and Kitty weaned herself just before she turned two so I never knew our last feed was our last. And as for Miss Elma, she’s still going strong and it still works for us so we’ll wait and see what happens!

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Yes it’s almost like the end of the baby days isn’t it? How lovely Elma is still going through pregnancy, will be lovely to see how that journey develops. x

  • Emily says:

    What a beautiful post Katie. I think I cried each time I stopped breastfeeding, and my feelings echoed your completely – what a privilege to be a part of creating such wonderful little people! I’m certain that you will continue to give all that you can to your beautiful girls as they grow, just in different ways! Thank you for hosting a beautiful linky x

  • hannah says:

    Oh gosh! Good luck xx when I stopped breastfeeding it was more because it just fizzled out. I was combination feeding so in the end I got replaced. I was so sad and so relieved at the same time! I hope it just clicks into place for you (I’m now trying to get Reuben off his bottle – he’s having none of it!), and that you had an amazing weekend away!! xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Thats exactly how it was like with my big girl- it just fizzled out. But LL is definitely a milk monster. We seem to be coping ok four days in though- her better than me! x

  • Rachel says:

    Awww what a lovely post & lovely photo.
    I am still breastfeeding my 2 year old son and will stop when he wants to stop. I don’t know when that is, but I know I will be sad our breastfeeding journey has ended whenever it does. I’m a big breastfeeding advocate, and I really persevered with it, my gosh it was so sore when I started. It’s amazing how it quickly develops into everyday life.
    You have lovely memories of breastfeeding your girls that will last forever 🙂 x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      In some ways I wish I had waited for her to stop, but we have done it now so there is no going back. I definitely have some wonderful memories, that is so true. x

  • Anna-Marie says:

    Gorgeous post and beautiful photo. xxx

  • It IS bittersweet isn’t it?? We’re down to our last feed now. On,y the bedtime one left, and I’m not quite ready to let go yet. Heidi is almost 13 months. I stopped with Ava at 14 months too and that felt like the right time. They are just all growing up far too quickly!

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      They really are growing far too quickly- I wish we could slow down time. I can’t believe LL is 14 months already! x

  • Katrina says:

    Ah, this made me feel a little teary. It made me think back on those days i shared with bear breastfeeding (although we had a awful time-severe tongue tie!). Those special moments as you mentioned-when they stroke you, i will carry this intimate memory with me forever. Wishing you good luck, & i’m sure LL will be fine….& you will be too :). A beautiful post, loved it. xx

  • That picture is beautiful as is this post. I loved my bf journey with H and was so sad when it ended, the choice got taken away as I had to go on some medication and was told I couldn’t bf with it. Like you it had tapered off by that point, but still it is sad when it’s over. xxx

  • Mummy Says says:

    What a beautiful post. I felt such a sense of loss when I stopped breastfeeding Milin. I will be more prepared for the feeling after I stop feeding Jasmin, but I know it will still be emotional x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      That’s it, it is a bit like a sense of loss. I felt worse after LL than I did Mads, I think it is because she is our last baby. I feel emotional i won’t go through it all again. x

  • Kerry says:

    Oh, I know exactly what you mean! I can’t imagine weaning Arlo yet, but I really can understand how it will feel like an end of an era. Such a beautiful post!

  • Well done for breastfeeding for so long, it’s an amazing journey isn’t it. Good luck with weaning her off this weekend, hope it works! I’m hoping brit mums will do the same for us as I can’t get her to stop haha! xx

  • Donna says:

    This made me really emotional. Actually to the point of holding back tears reading it. Little Man is 11 months next week and I’ve just written his 11 month update ready to post. I have always know I’ll stop feeding him at a year – With LP we naturally stopped at 13 months and with Little Man I’ve decided on a year and we are already down to just the morning and bedtime feed.
    He is our last baby, I know I will never feed another baby and have that amazing bond again. I persevered at the start with two weeks of hell with LP and then a painful week with Little Man. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest but most rewarding and special things I have done and I’m so close to ending that journey too and I have been trying to not think about it, pushing it to the back of my mind.
    I’m not ready for the baby days to be gone, to have a one year old and to know that I’ll never have another baby. I know my family is complete but the realisation of what that actually means is quite tough…
    Lovely post and I love the photo x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Sorry to make you feel emotional donna. It is so hard and I feel the exact same as you as LL is more than likely out last baby. I don’t feel ready for the baby days to be gone and I am clinging on to the fact that LL is actually a lot smaller than Mads was at this age- she isn’t talking or walking, and still seems very much like a baby. But it doesn’t make it any easier knowing that your family is complete- I feel very emotional about the fact that I won’t go through the baby days again. x

  • Notmyyearoff says:

    Lovely post. I remember a part of me being a bit relieved when I sopped breast feeding but a big part off was sad too because it feels like such a special thing and a great bond. All the special cuddles and how they look so content.

  • Great post. I remember such mixed emotions when I finished feeling Little E at 9mths. Starting the journey all over again with the newbie has been painful and emotional but we are getting there! X

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      That’s the thing we forget that while it is so sad to finish it is also bloody hard work and so exhausting getting it established in the first place! Hope all settles down for you soon! x

  • mirari says:

    oh, i loved this post, and the photo’s so sweet… i’m still breastfeeding my little girl (not as little by the way…) but it’s been a few days since i feel there’s nothing else to suck and soon the end of this beautiful period will arrive

  • It’s a gorgeous photo of a very special time between Mummy and baby! I stopped feeding Luca when he was 12 weeks as it was just far too stressful for me but it was such a hard thing to do. Luca stopped having a bottle completely by himself at 10 months old no warning, no weaning he just decided that was it. I tried everything I could to get him to have a bottle but he wasn’t interested and it broke my heart, they don’t seem so small when they aren’t having their bottle anymore! Good luck I hope it goes nice and smoothly for you. X

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      They really do don’t they? Already LL seems a little bit more grown up for not having milk at night- which I know is so silly. Mads took a bottle until 2 so she still snuggled at night but LL won’t so she doesn’t cosy down at night time. It upsets me a little! x

  • Caro says:

    A beautiful photo that Iam sure you will always treasure. Stopping Breastfeeding is a significant step, if for no other reason than it being (usually) impossible to go back. It’s the end of a specific bond shared only during feeds, and the end of those shared moments. Of course they are replaced with others, but it’s still bittersweet.

    Thomas self weaned at 21 months and I did not know that his last feed was his last. At the time, I assumed that I would have more children, and get to experience breastfeeding again. Thanks to infertility, that now looks increasingly unlikely. I think this photo is a lovely memento to have of this particular journey.

  • What a precious photo and post. I found the ‘last breastfeed’ with each of mine kind of bitter sweet. This post made me a little emotional – I really do miss those extra special snuggles, especially last thing at night xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      That last feed is definitely emotional and bittersweet. I am missing the cuddles already, although I am sure we will find a new way of cuddling in time. x

  • Emma says:

    Well done for breastfeeding both of your girls for so long, there’s nothing like those special moments feeding your baby. I breast fed my son and it was so easy that I completely took it for granted that it would be the same with Summer and unfortunately it wasn’t, I gave up after a few weeks of feeding her and it’s something that still upsets me now. I wish I had the strength to carry on through the pain but at the time I didn’t and I really regret it now. Hope weaning her off goes well xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      You should never regret anything, you did what was best for you both at the time but I think as Mums we automatically beat ourselves up over everything. I know I do! x

  • katie says:

    Such a special photo Katie. Fully understand where you are coming from. I stopped feeding S when he was around 9 months i think but didn’t plan when as i though i would find it to hard to deal with a last feed. I think the morning one was the last one to drop and one morning he just woke up later and disrupted the schedule himself.
    Anyway hope you are ok and have had a wonderful weekend – definitely a good time to stop with all the fun to look forward too. Although imagine you have missed the girls! x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Yes I think I made it worse on myself by planning the last feed. I am good thank you and had a lovely weekend! x

  • Fritha says:

    wow what a moment! It’s such an amazing thing to be able to do isn’t it!this made me feel quite emotional! I’m still feeding W once a day (he is just over two) which some people may find a bit odd I’m sure but it’s working well for us, occasionally we will go a few days with no nursing so It’s defo slowing down! Beautiful photo xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      As long as it works for you that’s all that matters. It’s so hard when they decide to stop or when you do isn’t it? I still feel like I wish I had carried on but the decision has been made now. It definitely was an amazing journey. x

  • Beautiful picture of you two!

    I wasn’t a breast feeder for long, my little boy constantly fell asleep on the boob and was losing weight rather than gaining, so we reluctantly moved to bottle. I do remember so fondly those moments in the middle of the night when it was just us.

    The time goes by so quickly it’s frightening! A lovely ordinary moment this week xx

  • Ooh this made me feel all emotional, it;s such a special time and when it ends it’s so sad, especially if it’s the last baby. We are down to just a morning and an evening feed and I’m not sure how long we will go on for, I would like to get to 18 months as that’s what I did with Cherry but who knows, I do think he’d be so much happier if he stopped because while he knows it’s there he wants it all the time but then he loves it so much I don’t want to upset him! I hope we end in a similar way to what happened with Cherry though, I never knew she’s had her last feed so it was so much easier not to get upset. Gorgeous pic x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      LL loved milk a lot, I think that’s what made it harder but I just had to stop at one point so I kind of made up my mind. I am still feeling pretty sad about it, and am missing the closeness this week a little. I know it will get better eventually but at the moment she is grumpy at night so not very cuddly! x

  • Oh gosh, you’ll be back home as I’m writing this. I hope everything is going okay. I was an emotional wreck when I stopped feeding CK but medication took the choice away from me so I wasn’t really mentally prepared. I had thought CK was ready to stop a few weeks ago but it turned out to be teething and now he’s the biggest milk monster ever again. Fingers crossed it’s a clean, happy ending for both of you and that you’re hormones don’t kick up too much of a fuss x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Thanks lovely, it’s actually been harder than I thought, I have felt very emotional about the whole thing and have toyed with the idea of starting again but I know that isn’t fair on her. So I am reluctantly stopped and closed that chapter! x

  • I wish I could have fed ollie longer but my milk wasn’t the same second time around and we came to a natural end at around 4 months. Amazing to have fed for so long, what a special photo and a special post xxx

  • Saskia says:

    What a beautiful post and beautiful comments to go with it. D is 6 months old and the thought of how our BF journey will end is already concerning me, though it may still be a while. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to make the decision to stop and know you’re having that ‘last feed’. Best of luck with the weaning and congrats on lasting so long, it’s such a wonderful token of love and dedication xxx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      It is a hard thing to think about doing, that ‘last feed’ is really quite sentimental and upset. It really is such a wonderful time. x

  • Jenny says:

    Oh wow Katie. This is just beautiful!!! It made me cry!! I never thought I would breastfeed and didn’t have an opinion for or against it. As soon as I got pregnant I knew I wanted to tray. With Buba it was great, I breastfed for a year. And loved every minute of it. I only had stopped feeding for two months before I got pregnant again. So my milk never went away. I was so excited to feed Missy Moo and it was torture. She had a whole other agenda. I kept getting severe mastitis, and she would bite and pull until I would crack or bleed. I cried for months not wanting to stop. I know when I did stop it was it. The end of an era for sure just like you said. She was six months old and I had to physically stop as it wasn’t working for either of us and I feel like I didn’t get to say goodbye to that part of being a Mommy. As she is my last baby i knew I would never breastfeed again. I was devastated, depressed and really upset about it because it wasn’t on my terms and MM’s terms. I think its great that you have got this far and doing what’s best for both of you. That’s the best way to stop breastfeeding when you feel ready and LL feels ready. You are such a great Momma, follow your heart. Have a great weekend too. I hope you are getting to feeling better soon. There are many plus sides to saying goodbye to the breastfeeding era as well. Always looking at the postive side of life. 😉 Amazing post thank you for sharing it.

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Sorry to make you cry Jenny. It is really hard to stop, whatever age, especially if you know it is your last baby. It definitely is the end of the era. And like you say there are some plus sides of saying goodbye to it all too! x

  • Nicola says:

    I love reading about people’s breast feeding journeys. i’m hoping mine will be different this time but i’m not putting pressure on myself. Such a special picture to have too! I only have one of me feeding Paige and I love it so much! xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      I really love the photo and I have a couple of others of me feeding them both in the early days. You will have to see what happens, but you have to do what is right for you and baby boy when he arrives! x

  • Miliwife1 says:

    Such a lovely post. I felt really sad when I stopped breastfeeding Teddy as I loved it so much but going back to work made it feel quite pressurised as it became more about me being comfortable during the day as he wasn’t always that interested. I hope to breastfeed any future babies I have and would love to think I could carry on a bit longer next time round but so many factors affect it. What a bittersweet moment for you….. xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      I think thats why I stopped a bit quicker with Mads due to going back to work. We have to do what is right for all of us at the end of the day. x

  • Kirsty says:

    This is lovely it’s these types of memories that fade as little ladies grow bigger, a lovely journey to record x

  • Lauren says:

    Beautiful post and such a beautiful precious photo. I hope LL was ok with you when you returned and didn’t try too much to get milk.
    It took a lot longer than I expected to get Harry to stop, he still asks now and it’s so hard because I keep questionning whether or not I should have stopped. I think it’s a hard decision for us to make at any age.
    I remember so clearly the start you had with LL and I think you have done so so well to get this far. You should be so proud xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      She has been a little confused but she is coping far better than I am! I was ok with Mads but for some reason it is really upsetting me with LL. I really am very proud, I certainly wasn’t a natural breastfeeder and it took me a while both times to get it established, so I am really proud I have fed my babies for this long. x

  • I’m so emotional reading this, it definitely feels like an end of an era doesn’t it. I haven’t been brave enough to stop nursing Sienna yet. I say it every month I will stop but I can’t bring myself to stop, were going away next week maybe she will cut down?! It’s really a beautiful journey. Congrats on making it this far, with my son I was only able to make it to three months because I had to take medication. A beautiful photo.

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      It’s so hard to stop and I think had I not gone away we would have carried on. I took it almost as a push to stop and I can’t say that I don’t completely think it was the right decision- there is a little part of me that regrets stopping but it would be unfair on LL to start again now. x

  • Such a lovely picture. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Thank you, its going ok so far although she gets a little confused at night and in the morning. I think I am more upset than she is! x

  • jenny paulin says:

    i really like the photo and i like that it was captured on an Iphone because it shows it was captured in the moment and it was not planned.
    I stopepd at 10 months with both of mine – i think Jenson would have happily carried on but Burton was ready and Jenson was eating well so I stopped because it was too much for him and was making him isck once he was in bed. I really enjoyed the bond that breast feeding gave me and it was such a special time of my life. But i do not miss it and I was glad to stop and claim my boobs and nice bras back
    i hope the stopping is ok for LL now you are home x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      That’s true, it will definitely be nice to buy some new bras. Although my boobs are now non existent! x

  • This photo is gorgeous, and the post almost made me cry!

    Feeding a baby is such an emotional thing no matter how you do it. Our breastfeeding journey was less than smooth but I remember it being a whirlwind of different feelings. At nearly 15 months we’re not yet ready to wean M off a bottle. He loves it, and it’s the one time he most reminds me of a baby, of his dependency on his daddy and I. When he does decide to give it up I imagine the word that will come to mind is also “bittersweet”.

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      It really is. It is that time of the night where they snuggle up to you, whether thats via breast or bottle and you just feel the closeness to them don’t you? We are three days in and I can already feel that LL is not as cuddly at night, I know in time we will find a new way to cuddle but it is upsetting me a little at the moment! x

  • LauraCYMFT says:

    Such a lovely post. It’s a hard decision but it’s one that eventually has to be made by you, your baby or both. I couldn’t breastfeed Wee Z so when I had Miss C, I tried really hard and I fed her until she was 2. I think a combination of feeling proud I’d managed, the lovely bond you share and knowing she is our last baby kept me going for so long. x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Part of me still wishes now I hadn’t stopped but its been a fair few days now and I think it would just confuse and upset her to go back to it. So I shall have to close the book on that chapter and try not to get too emotional! x

  • Lucy says:

    It’s definitely a hugely emotional moment when you stop breastfeeding. I feel so lucky that both times it was the children who took the lead in the decision to stop, it definitely made my heart feel easier. Although both times I felt a bit broken hearted too, with those bittersweet feelings about the baby day being over. x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      I think that’s what made me feel worse, because LL wasn’t ready to give up. It still hurts me a little now, and tonight she cried for milk. But I know that I had to give up one day so I can’t go back on it now really. x

  • Karen says:

    Aaahhh gorgeous. It really is an amazing feeling being able To feed and you’ve done so well doing it for so long. I fed all of mine for 11 months but got scared of teeth…that’s what stopped me haha. It really is bitter sweet watching them grow x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Luckily I didn’t get a proper bite with either of mine- a little nibble every now and again but nothing too traumatic. 😉 x

  • Michelle says:

    Lovely post and beautiful photo 🙂 I breastfed Izzy, but I couldn’t with Scarlett as she was so poorly, I did miss it x

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      It is one of those things that just signifies the end of an era, I feel really sentimental about it! x

  • Stephanie says:

    Such a bittersweet photo, and lovely post. It makes me sad for the last time I’ll breastfeed my little one. They grow up too fast!

  • As one era ends another begins x

  • Gosh what a lovely post. You have done so so well to feed for that long. I desperately wanted to but manage a week only…if only I had the hindsight I do now. Treasure the memories and lovely photo xx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      Thanks lovely, and to have hindsight would be a great thing, but ultimately we have to do what is best for us as Mum’s and for our little babies too! x

  • Ritz says:

    What a lovely post! I fed Bebe till 2 years and she stopped on her own and i was pregnant and ready to stop. I was sad when it stopped as love the connection , I am feeding Ree but finding myself constantly tired and was thinking of stopping early this time. but your lovely post gave me an inspiration to keep going as it will be lovely memory in the future 🙂 xxx

    • Mummy Daddy Me says:

      It definitely is a wonderful experience but you know in your heart when is the right time to give up, whatever time that may be. xx

  • Susan Mann says:

    I wish I could have breastfeed longer, but it wasn’t meant to be. I can see why this would be such a sentimental picture and a beautiful journey together x

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