Last Week's News.

LL still is the most chilled out baby in the world.  Of course she cries but she is so smiley and her smiles can light up a room.  She has the most expressive big, blue eyes.

She is still suffering from wind and has only been going to the toilet for a number two about once a week.  It really affects her and I hate to see her in pain.

She seems to respond with her biggest smiles for certain words.  For some reason she likes it when you say to her 'Are you cheeky?' and also 'What up Gee?'  Maybe she is a secret rap fan!

She is doing lots of coo's now and when I pretend to have a conversation with her, she really chats and makes lots of little noises.

She is seriously the most dribbly baby I have ever met, she is constantly blowing bubbles and dribbling, Mads was nothing like that and I keep having to wipe her mouth every five minutes!

Her eleventh week was quite a quiet week really, she is just getting more and more expressive every day.

Sleep.

LL's sleep wasn't quite so good this week.  We have had no sleep through's but in the grand scheme of things considering she is only 12 weeks old she has been doing really well.

She is still sleeping downstairs with us in the evenings, and I have still been going to bed about 9pm and sitting on my ipad or laptop up there with her.  

I have been trying to make her sleep in the afternoons when Mads does at 1.30pm until 4pm, but she seems to need to go down earlier so it hasn't been happening as much this week.

She generally seems to need a mid morning cat nap, generally when we are out and about, then I will feed at she will fall asleep around half 12 and sleep for a good couple of hours.  She will then be quite awake for a bit before sometimes falling asleep again late afternoon.  If she doesn't fall asleep then she is really tired and a bit grouchy by seven when we put Mads to bed.

Food.

Breastfeeding is still going well.  I used to religiously use a 'boob monitor' on my iPhone so I could monitor how long she fed for and what side she fed from, however I am feeling more confident now and so I just feed on demand when she wants it, but generally during the day she goes around 3 hours.  

I also feel confident that I don't need to monitor the time- she will sometimes feed for 5 minutes, and sometimes for 20- it just depends on what she feels like.

My Dearest LL,

On Monday you turned twelve weeks old.  Twelve weeks ago I went to the hospital with Daddy, nervously excited about meeting you, and at 12.52pm you took your first breaths in the world.

Since then, there isn't a day that has gone past where I haven't looked at you and thought how lucky I am.  That you came into our family and made it complete.  I feel like a much more confident Mummy the second time around and as such I am enjoying every single minute with you.  I am soaking every single bit of you in, relishing in every feed, cuddle and snuggle.

You are intoxicating.  It sounds a bit dramatic but you really are.  You have a smile that lights up the room.  We have a little game where you look at me when I am trying to let you drift off to sleep in the afternoons.  I see you looking at me out the corner of your eye and I glance over at you.  As soon as I look at you, you let out the most incredibly cheeky smile.  Every time you do it I get the most intense rush of love- you are so beautiful.  I am so lucky that you are mine.

You are just so chilled out.  I am sure this will change, either soon when you go through your next growth spurt, or you start teething.  But at the moment you really are.  You rarely cry, except when you have got wind.  I sometimes feel a bit sorry for you as I am constantly chatting or being preoccupied with your big sister, you often just sit in your little spot in the corner of the sofa and chew your fists and will be so quiet I forget you are there.  Then I look over at you and you flash me one of those killer smiles- I cannot thank you enough for making the transition into being a Mummy of two so easy.  

The other day we went to soft play and you sat in your car seat for an hour, wide awake and just staring about while Mummy ran after Mads.  It prompted two people to say what a relaxed baby you were.  You make me proud even at this age.  You are such a good baby.

Still for all the times that you do have to sit back and let me get on with your big sister, we have our moments just the two of us.  Firstly when Mads goes down for her afternoon nap.  Then we also have a day or two a week where it is just us two as Mads goes to her Auntie Emma's and her Auntie Paula's.  I love those days just the two of us.  I sometimes feel guilty to Mads but then I remember that she had me for 26 months on her own.  

I still haven't put you up to bed on your own in the evening yet, and you still nap next to me on the sofa during the day.  I ought too, I had with Mads at this age, but I am in no hurry with you.  You go to bed about 9pm and I come and lie upstairs in the dark on my laptop- in fact this is where I am writing this now.  I have the rest of my life to have an 'evening' so I want to relish every single little snuggle with you.  I know we will soon as we don't want to get you into a bad pattern, but I know I will miss our evening cuddles.  

Just before we have our last feed of the night, at 9 or half 9, Daddy comes up and helps me change your nappy on the bed.  We sit and chat to you, and this is when you are at your cheekiest.  You smile at us and coo, and you do these little smiles which almost look like laughs but no noise comes out.  You shake your head around and I can see the happiness in your eyes.

And one day you will see the happiness in mine.  I only have to look at you to feel like my heart is about to burst with happiness.  Your my baby, my littlest one, and it is just wonderful watching you grow.  The last twelve weeks have been incredible.  I wish time would slow down a little, from 12 weeks you are no longer classed as a newborn.  But you will always be my baby and I know from Mads that every stage that comes next is just as good.  

Just don't let them come too quickly.

Mummy couldn't love you any more if I tried.  Thank you for being mine.

Love Mummy

xx

I remember when I first became pregnant with LL, or even when we thought about having another child, I couldn't possibly imagine my heart expanding enough to love another baby as much as I did Mads.  

I have a little sister and I always joked to my Mum 'Which of us is your favourite?'  Even when I was young, I thought you couldn't possibly love your children exactly the same- surely my Mum sneakily was more fond of me because I was the first born, or had more of a bond with Anna because she was the baby?

I wasn't worried- I knew I would love our new baby more than anything, but there was still a tiny shed of doubt in my mind about the dynamics of having two children.

And of course, the second I held LL for the first time, in fact the second I first heard her cry, just like that my heart expanded and I loved her just as much as her sister.  

Mads is my 'big girl' and LL is my 'baby girl'.

But it is hard to describe the love I feel for my little ladies, and in a way it is different, yet at the same time it is totally the same.  

Mads is my first born and I had two years of her being our everything.  I nervously watched her grow and achieve her milestones, and I consulted 'Dr Google', my Mum and friends to make sure I was doing a good job.  She is growing into a cheeky, wonderful little girl and I couldn't be any more proud of her.  In a way my love for her has grown even more since LL came along as she is so affectionate and caring towards her sister.  She is just incredible.

But LL...well she's my baby.  And I am 99% sure she is our last baby.

I feel more confident as a Mummy.  Of course I worry about her, I take her temperature far more often than I need too, and I wake up in the night to check she is breathing.  I still consult Dr Google.  But I feel like I know that I am doing a good job this time around.  After all, her sister is turning into a lovely little person.

I am more relaxed, as a mother, and about routine.  She still sleeps downstairs with us in the evening, and I am in no hurry to stop our evening snuggles.  She doesn't go in her moses basket for nap times, instead snuggling next to me on the sofa or in my arms.  I have probably made a rod for my own back for the future but at the moment she is a very chilled out baby.

I am relishing every single cuddle, feed and smile.  With Mads I had the luxury of being able to do that all day long, but with LL I obviously have Mads to look after now too.  

For some reason it makes those little moments even more special.

A lot of the time life revolves around Mads, she is more demanding of our attention, and we cater to her needs at the moment.  I will put LL on the sofa and realise that I haven't even looked at her for 10 minutes.  But when I do catch her eye she gives me the biggest smile as if to say 'I am here Mummy and I am ok.'  And that smile just gives me shivers, she really smiles with her eyes.

I can't really explain it but this added confidence, these snatched special moments, and the fact that she is more than likely going to be the final baby in our family, means that I am finding this stage just so intense and incredible.  My heart aches for her and I cannot explain the way she has completed our family. 

With Mads, I was more than happy to express milk so my Mum could have her while we went out occasionally, and I loved that she was so independent and went to anyone.  It made me proud that I had a chilled out, relaxed, independent baby.  But with LL, I just want her close to me.  I want to enjoy every milk coma cuddle, every sleepy stretch and every gummy smile.  

She may be a very tiny little person but she has filled a very BIG role.

She has made our family complete and stolen the remainder of my heart.  She has created love and emotions I didn't even know existed, and I certainly didn't think I would feel.

She is my gorgeous, smiley, chilled out little lady.  The little sister to my beautiful big girl.

She's my baby.  And she's the missing piece.

And that makes her very special indeed.

This long Bank Holiday Weekend we mostly have been...

Basking on blankets in the sunshine (or in the shade if your LL!)

Meeting my in-laws in Stamford for the day and going for lunch and playing in the park.

Going down slides with Daddy really fast!

Having a picnic in the back garden.

Mixing paints in order to create masterpieces.

Creating those masterpieces.

Been put in stupid sun hats that completely ruin our street cred.

We went to the park for a walk and of course had to stop for an ice cream.

And we found a 'jungle' that needed exploring.

We stopped for a nice long picnic in the sunshine.

And lay on a blanket and looked up at the sky.

We went to a family BBQ at Grandma's house.

And we shared a joke with the rest of the family.

All in all it has been a lovely, relaxed long bank holiday with a mixture of DIY and house sorting thrown in for good measure.  

Why can't all weekend's be three days long?