Dealing With Tantrums...

on Monday, 12 November 2012.

Most of the time my little girl is a pleasure to be around- we have a lot of fun together and she amuses me every day. She is affectionate, kind and polite. However just recently we have hit the terrible two's (albeit two months early.)

Very occasionally my little girl unleashes her inner diva.

Tantrums. Don't get me wrong- I can handle them. Just about. They don't happen often enough yet for me to think about packing my bags and running off, but I do wish I knew the best way of disciplining a 22 month old.

Take the other day for example. We were in soft play with two friends having a whale of a time. Then Mads decided that she wanted to take her juice into the play area which they are not allowed to do. I said no, thinking this would be fine, but oh no- cue a tantrum of an epic scale. She laid on the floor, crying her eyes out screaming 'juice mama juice mama' over and over. At first I ignored her after saying she couldn't, thinking the silent treatment would work. But alas no, she continued to lie on the floor wailing. I then decided I would be the grown up, and picked her up and tried a distraction technique, suggesting we went and played in the ball pool. Thinking for a second this had worked, we walked over, but then she remembered her juice. 'Juice Mama Juice Mama' was her response, crying and shouting once more.

I then decided to go myself into the ball pool, hoping it would make her come with me. It did, but not before she ran over to my bag, managed to unzip and got her juice back out again. Jesus christ, this child can be stubborn! I have no idea where she gets it from. Hmm.

So in the end I decided to raise my voice, just a little and put on my scary Mummy tone. 'Mads do you want to go home?' 'No mama.' 'Well then you can't have your juice in the play area. Go and play otherwise we will go home. If you want your juice sit on Mummy's lap and have some like a good girl.' That worked well, she just looked me square in the eye and said no.

Eventually she forgot about it and the tantrum was over. It was a particularly bad one, firstly because I was embarrassed as we were in a public space, and secondly she was over tired and a bit under the weather that day. But still she is a stubborn little thing and I really have no idea how is best to deal with tantrums. I haven't done this before!

I don't think the naughty step would work just yet because she is too little to sit there, she would just try and get up. One, Two, Three, I doubt would work because she is too young to understand. I sometimes try to ignore them, especially when we are at home, but it is hard because I also want her to know she has done wrong or is being naughty. I don't believe in shouting at her, but I do try and change my tone and say that she is not being well behaved- but again it doesn't do much.

Seriously what is the best way to discipline a 22 month old? What do you do with your children? And how do you deal with public tantrums?

If anyone has any tips I would love to hear them as I really want to bring her up to be a polite, well behaved little girl, most of the time she is but just occasionally she turns into a proper diva. I know it is a phase they all go through, girls more so than boys it seems to me comparing Mads to her boy friends- but then I don't know if that is just because she is a lot more developed in terms of interaction and speech at this moment in time, but regardless I really don't know the best way to deal with them.

98% of the time she is a joy to be with, it's just the rare 2% that I need to sort out! But still I am proud of my feisty little thing- after all having a ten minute stand off over putting on a slipper is really something to be admired.

tantruming

Looks innocent enough but we were in the middle of a strop here. Over putting on our shoes.

Tags: Mads, Parenting

Comments (12)

Lucy at Dear Beautiful

14 November 2012 at 09:35 | #

Discipline is such a tricky one because whatever you decide on needs to be consistent for wherever you are and whoever is dealing with her. I think with toddlers a firm no, a bit of ignoring and then getting them to move on to something else works the best. So basically what you did.
Like you say, she's too little to understand the naughty step/time out method really, and she needs to understand that what she's done is wrong some other way. So a raised voice or change in tone probably works best.
We are yet to have any strops from the little man. He has a stubborn streak like every toddler, he just hasn't tried his luck yet. I'm not looking forward to that!
X

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- Mummy Daddy and Me Makes Three
  
  14 November 2012 at 13:10 | #
  
  I think that is a large problem, because when she goes to the people she goes to they all deal with her in different ways. I think consistency is the key- I am making her out to be a little terror, the big ones are rare, like you say it is more of a stubborn streak that is over as soon as it began, but I do want to make sure I am disciplining her in the right way. Thanks lovely. xx
  
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Emma @mummymummymum

14 November 2012 at 09:36 | #

Ha ha, H is the same. If I'm at home, I pick her up take her to her room and leave her. Usually she stops crying within a few minutes.

If I'm out, i try to take her somewhere quiet and calm her down. Its hard though isn't it? Especially in front of other people.

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- Mummy Daddy and Me Makes Three
  
  14 November 2012 at 13:21 | #
  
  I think it is trying to deal with them when your out, it is stressful. We have only had two, this one and one in Sainsburys but Daddy was there then! Always when we are tired they happen, its just knowing the best way to deal with them x
  
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But why mummy why?

14 November 2012 at 10:02 | #

I think all the techniques you tried were good. Unfortunately this age group is seriously hard to discipline because of their levels of understanding. Sometimes letting them ride it out while you stick to your guns (even in public!) is all you can do. Starting to introduce 'time out' or the 'silly spot' where you remove them from the situation and give them space and time to calm down works at 2 (for some children). Hope that helps a little xx

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- Mummy Daddy and Me Makes Three
  
  14 November 2012 at 13:27 | #
  
  My friend uses the time out technique and it works really well for them- he is a little bit older though so I don't know if that makes a difference, I think it is definitely something to try though as it seems to work for lots of people.
  I agree it is a difficult age as they understand a hell of a lot, but at the same time don't understand so much! x
  
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Sarah

14 November 2012 at 12:00 | #

Hi, firstly hugs, our dear little ones are certainly here to test us. I think perhaps you have already answered your own question. You said your daughter was overtired and under the weather. Perhaps, the soft play wasn't the best place for her yesterday. Soft play places are noisy and over stimulating. I don't know how long you had been there before your daughter got upset but I would of just comforted her and took her home, even if I didn't want to! I've been in your situation before and I'm guessing because mummy was chatting with friends and little one was tired & had had enough, she just wanted your attention and wanted to go home. I personally would not use discipline in these situations, just an awareness of what your daughter is really trying to tell you. Hope this helps x

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- Mummy Daddy and Me Makes Three
  
  14 November 2012 at 13:32 | #
  
  They certainly are! I wouldn't have taken her if she had been ill, she was teething and she enjoys meeting her friends and going out. We had been there about half an hour but unfortunately this was just a case that she wanted to take her juice somewhere she wasn't allowed too- it wasn't a case of her wanting attention.
  She is too little to go around soft play on her own, so I go everywhere with her, so I wasn't actually chatting to my friends at that point. If we end up in the same place during playtime and can chat then brilliant,but unfortunately the children normally see to it that we don't as they all go their separate ways! We all have lunch after and chat, but it is more stimulation and fun for the children than for us.
  It is tricky as every child is different but in this case I wouldn't have taken her home because she had a tantrum, she hadn't had enough, she just wanted to take her juice somewhere she shouldn't! It was as simple as that. x
  
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Susan Mann

14 November 2012 at 15:53 | #

It's a difficult one, if at home I'd ignore the tantrums but it's easier said than done when out and about. I find distraction usually works x

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Three for a girl

14 November 2012 at 16:48 | #

Miss C is two next week and tantrums have ramped up recently. Mainly I try to either ignore her or distract her. But if she hits me (which she does sometimes) or if she does something dangerous, like climbing on the table, and she pays no attention to me saying no, then I have been trying to follow Supernanny's naughty step technique. Unfortunately she just thinks it's a game and keeps getting up and laughing, even when I put her back. She even hit me yesterday because she wanted to go on the step! So I think perhaps she's not ready for that yet. Putting her into her cot for a short time does seem to work though so I'll probably do that for now.
I haven't had many incidents in public yet thank goodness but normally I do what you did and say we will have to go home. That normally works. Otherwise just distraction. It's so hard isn't it - think it's a case of choosing a method then being consistent, which depends on how patient and strong you are feeling on that day!

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Jenny Paulin

18 November 2012 at 17:31 | #

Jenson sits on the naughty step and has done since 17 months ! I didn't start putting Burton on until he was about 21/2 and I left it too late because even now he won't do it! Jenson will.
I think with our first you make more allowances and think they won't understand but she would. But you must do what you feel is best as her mummy. And it is awful when it happens in public I agree
Good luck but I suggest if sort something about before baby sister Arrives x

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Alice

18 November 2012 at 22:54 | #

The naughty step actually works really well for us! For some reason it's the only place she will stay put- perhaps because every time she's there she knows its dead serious? I give her a chance to behave - say if she does it once more then its the naughty step - and this seems to help her understand consequence. Before she gets up from the step I crouch down to her and ask if she knows what she did wrong, talk about what she should do next time, have a hug and a kiss and she says sorry :)

I tried "1... 2... 3..." And she thought we were playing hide and seek!!!!

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