When I was a little girl I dreamt of being a vet. Then I decided I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted a happy ever after love story- I wanted to be married at 21, first baby when I was 26. Two children- a boy and a girl. I wanted to live in a big house that looked like a dolls house. With pink roses all up the side, a huge garden with a swimming pool.
As I got older I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to help people. Get inside people's minds. Learn what makes us tick. I have always had a fascination with the human mind. A fascination as to why people do the things they do. I wanted to do my doctorate in psychology.
I wanted to earn lots of money. But never be one of those people that worked too hard and didn't have a life. I wanted a life. Full of friends, family and with enough money to go on expensive holidays and eat out whenever I wanted. I wanted to work hard and play hard. Life life to the full.
I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to live abroad for at least a year. Live somewhere hot. To open up my window and wake up to the sea and walk along the beach every evening and feel the sand between my toes. I wanted to have a loft style apartment with exposed brick.
I wanted to meet 'the one.' To be swept off my feet in something that resembled a scene out 'The Notebook.' I wanted that full on, head over heels kind of love. The kind of love that gives you goosebumps.
I have always been a dreamer. At school my reports always used to say that I had a very creative imagination and I was a day dreamer. And my teachers were right. I have always dreamed of a 'better life' for myself.
When I look back on my dreams, most of them haven't gone to plan.
I got married at 25, my first baby came when I was 26. Nearly. I don't live in a dolls house, but a three bedroom detached house on the outskirts of a town I don't particularly feel connected with. However my family are nearby. And it's ours. Our little place we call home.
I haven't seen all the places I want to see. I am fairly well travelled and have ticked some places off my list- Thailand, New York, Miami, Barbados, Mexico, Barcelona...to name a few. But for now the faraway holidays will have to wait. We just don't have the money to travel the world.
I am not a psychologist. I studied psychology at university and loved it, but I didn't pursue it as a career. I have coasted along from job to job going where the money takes me. Who knows what will happen in my career as the years go by? I have yet to find something that I love but I am a massively career orientated person and I am not ashamed to say I want to make money so I can treat my family. I work at the moment but not full time and not in a job that fulfills me- my career is on hold for a while as there are more important people to think about.
I married my 'one' on December 2009. That is one of the dreams that has come true. It wasn't like a love story out of 'the Notebook,' complete with a soppy love song playing in the background. But it is real true love. My husband completes me and looks after us. He makes me happy.
He is my best friend.
We don't have a huge amount of money. This year has been the toughest yet for us as Mr E got messed around by his old company and we never knew what would happen each month. But we coped. We managed. We got through it, with the help of our family and by working really damn hard every evening. We are getting there, and we are not hard done by. We have food on the table, can treat ourselves occasionally. We don't have to worry so much anymore.
We are lucky.
In December 2010 one of my dreams came true. I got my little girl. My daughter. She is the best thing in the world and all my other dreams have paled in comparison to what she brings to my life. I love spending time reading her stories and building towers with mega blocks. I love cuddling my little girl, watching her grow and experiencing the love she feels for me.
I am her mama.
That is where my dreams are.
My other dreams are on hold...for the time being at least. It doesn't mean that they are forgotten, or that they won't happen. One day I will visit the Indian Ocean and live in a house that is my dream home.
I am sure of it. I may not be rich and life may not go exactly the way I thought it was going to go but if it goes in any way like it has done the past twenty eight years- I will be one lucky girl.
Right now I am enjoying making memories, fulfilling dreams of a totally different kind. With the people that matter most.
My little family.
My greatest dream is to be happy. And thats exactly what I am.