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Articles tagged with: Day to Day Life

{The Ordinary Moments 15} #20 'Motherhood Right Now'...

on Sunday, 17 May 2015.

My motherhood journey seems to be broken down into stages. There's those big stages- the newborn days, the baby days, the toddler days and the days before school, the big milestone days that get ticked off one by one. First smile... check. First tooth... check. First time in a big girl bed... check. First time on a play date without Mummy... check. Every stage that passes and every milestone reached, however great, I seem to mourn. I mourned the day LL stopped wearing babygrows, I mourned the day Mads no longer called me Mama but Mummy and I mourn them getting older on a regular basis. I am an emotional sap and I find the slightest thing about my children can set me off. But at the same time I find myself saying 'This is the best it's ever been.' 

And it's true, for every stage that passes that feels so utterly bittersweet, there's actually a better stage ahead. The newborn days, they are oh so delicious, with those soft baby heads and endless hours breastfeeding, snuggling and marvelling at this little person you created. There's those teeny tiny onesies, washed over and over again, the night feeds where although you are exhausted you feel like it's just you and your baby against the world. But as much as I love to look back on them with fondness (and remember the hardness at times), each stage that we get to really is the best of all the moments that have been before it. That's the beauty of watching these girls grow up. 

So what is motherhood like right now with an 'almost four and a half year old' and a 'turned two a couple of months ago year old?' Well of course, yet again, it's the best it's ever been. These days being a Mum means going from moments of utter frustration to just absolute proudness and love in a few moments. Sometimes I feel like the days are never ending- hour upon hour of constant questions, grumpy children or just the daily humdrum of life. Life can be tedious at times, of course it can, routines and structures set in place, eating the same thing every week, going to the same soft play and playing the same games over and over. Sometimes I go to bed in the evening and feel so incredibly guilty- I feel guilty for not giving them my full attention, not fully participating in the same boring game of making plastic pizza with olives and tomato, of not being completely present. Or I will feel guilty for losing my patience too easily, for shouting over something that didn't really need to be shouted over. 

But for the most part, motherhood just feels good to me. Of course it's always felt good, it's a blessing and for the most part I've been lucky to have it pretty easy all things considered. But this stage we are at right now? It's fun. Mads is on the brink of going to school and I know life will change dramatically then, but for the next few months I have her all to myself bar the days she's at nursery. She's like a sponge, she wants to learn, she wants to understand about the world she lives in and above all she is just the most funny little character. She's a joker, she is never serious and she always has a smile. Yet she is incredibly sensitive, affectionate and loves to be near you. At times that can become a little stifling, she is constantly asking questions, wanting to play, but she's also pretty easy. She knows the consequences of her actions at four, she knows how to behave. You can tell her to do something and she will do it most of the time. Of course the odd meltdown can still occur, but for the most part she is such a well behaved little girl.

And then there's LL. My baby. Who actually really isn't a baby anymore. In the last couple of weeks all traces of baby have gone. Instead we have a little girl, a happy, cheerful little girl whose character develops on a daily basis- we are loving to get to know her properly and find out who she is and who she is going to become. Her speech has exploded and we love her feisty little personality. She's more stroppy than her big sister, who often gives in to her for an easy life. She has the occasional serious temper tantrum, of course we are well in the 'terrible twos', but I have the benefit of experience this time round. It doesn't phase me. Yes that person just had to step over my wailing, screaming child who has just thrown herself on the floor of Tescos because I wouldn't let her hold a pack of frozen chips. (true story) Do I care? It doesn't phase me in slightest. The second time around you know that you haven't given birth to a wannabe sociopath just because of a few tantrums. You know it's just a stage and that she will grow out of it soon enough, hindsight is a powerful tool in this motherhood journey.

Both my girls are so much fun to be around. I think it's even better because they compliment each other so well. They are learning to play with each other properly, rather than simply co-existing and being sat there playing next to each other with separate toys. Sharing a bedroom together has made them even closer and I hear them at night chattering away, of course a lot of time LL doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but judging by the giggles, it's non stop fun. And quite simply it's fun for me too. I am the lucky one who gets to take part in these adventures. To experience their imaginations and the way they are with each other. To experience the cuddles, the kisses and the happy smiles. I get to experience the days where I cannot wait for them to get to bed- where I breathe a sigh of relief that they are away from me so I can get some peace, only to go upstairs and see them fast asleep, their bodies contorted into funny positions because they have obviously been getting up to mischief and I get to feel that emotion of pure love that comes with watching my sleeping babies. All parents must get that feeling when they check on them at night- that feeling 'These little people are mine', the way the love just rushes through you and you want to wake them up.  

I have no doubt that there will be more stages in the future. Harder stages, stages where it all goes a bit difficult, I remember in the early days my Mum used to ring me to check in and say 'How's it been today?' because Mads was going through a stage of having tantrums and LL was teething and grumpy. I had days where I would pace the living room just waiting for Mr E's key to turn in the lock. But those days rarely happen anymore, sure I have bad days where I say to my husband 'Please let me go and have a bath for an hour just to have a break' but they are few and far between. Parenting is tough, those stages will come back, periods where Mads drives me mad, where she tests the boundaries again, or where LL repeats them all just a couple of years behind.

But motherhood right now? It feels good. It's always good but it feels really good. 

'This is the best it's ever been.'

may 2015 mads ll

 

{The Ordinary Moments 15} #16 'Against The Garage Door'

on Sunday, 19 April 2015.

Around a year ago now I randomly decided to start taking photos of my girls as we left the house each morning.  I don't really know why I started doing it, I just decided to take a photo one day as Mads was wearing a particularly sweet outfit, and she wanted to send a picture to 'show Grandma' who had bought it for her.  The next time we did it, LL joined in on the photo too, and soon I was taking a photo of them on a regular basis.

The location is not exactly glamorous- it's in front of our white, slightly peeling, garage door, but for some reason we have taken a photo in front of it at least a couple of times a week ever since.  My girl's are reasonably good at having their photo taken, especially considering I often have my camera pointed at them, but I find that as soon as my DSLR comes out, if you ask them to look at the camera you inevitably get a silly face or no response at all.  When it comes to my DSLR, it's a lot better to capture them naturally rather than asking them to look.  But bizarrely, they absolutely love taking these iPhone photos in front of our garage door, so for whatever reason it has become a real ordinary moment of ours.

I absolutely love dressing my girls, I am a really big fan of children's fashion and I love finding outfits that match without completely dressing them the same- whether that be colours, styles or other little ways of making them a little coordinated each day.  I know that in years to come I will love looking back at the outfits they used to wear, long after we have given all the old clothes away.

But more than that, I love that by taking a photo of them in the same place each time, I am getting to see how much they are growing and changing.  They are growing at such a drastic rate and I can't quite believe how different they are from even less than a year ago.  I also love capturing funny things they bring out the house with them- they generally always have to bring a toy or some other random little object from home with them when we go out.  Plus of course, I love it when I take a photo of them interacting together or smiling happily.  

It's a strange little tradition to have started, but it's definitely become an every day part of our lives.  Mads and LL leave our front door and straight away walk towards our garage, even when it's a nursery day and we are in a hurry, or I wasn't actually planning on taking a photo of them.  I love that we will have them all to look back on in many years to come. 

against the garage door

{The Ordinary Moments 15} #15 'The Day A Cycle Helmet Made Me Cry.'

on Sunday, 12 April 2015.

As I write this, my heart is beating a little quicker than normal, and my eyelashes are still wet with tears.  Mr E is downstairs preparing a risotto for us all to have for dinner, I am sat in our office supposedly working, and I have two little girls chattering together in the top bunk of their bunk bed, oblivious to the way they have made us feel this afternoon.  

It's late Friday afternoon and a couple of hours earlier Mads happened to spot some of the older children on our street playing out on their bikes.  She has always had a curious fascination with the two little girls who live next to us, as younger children often do with bigger kids, but bar a shy wave or hello if we happen to cross paths outside our front door, that has been it.  I don't know why but this afternoon she asked to go and play on her bike outside with them, and two other older boys who live across the road from us too.  She has never asked us before and being that she has only just turned four we said that she could, but that she couldn't go outside without us being there.

So we duly popped her little cycle helmet on, got out her bike and scooter, and Mr E pottered around our front garden pretending to weed, all the while watching her.  I was supposed to be working, but I stood at the window and I got the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach.  A feeling of absolute pride watching her out there interacting with children a good few years older than her, a feeling of nostalgia remembering doing that very thing myself when I was a little girl, a feeling of nerves about the fact that she still isn't completely wise to dangers of cars or roads, but mainly a feeling of sadness about just how fast she is growing up.  My eyes filled with tears and I stood there blinking them away.

I watched Mr E lean down and talk to them all and I heard Mads say 'I am playing with the big boys and girls Daddy' while she was stood next to them.  At four, she is completely innocent, she isn't yet at that stage where she was embarrassed that her Daddy was outside watching her.  She said again excitedly 'I am playing with our neighbours' and they all chatted to Mr E while I watched on at the window.  After a while I went outside myself and sat on the doorstep with LL on my lap.   Watching our little girl riding up and down the street, with the retro ribbons on her handlebars very much the same as I had as a child, and her little helmet wobbling unsteadily on her head made me get butterflies in my tummy.  She had the biggest, most innocent smile on her face and above all she just looked so proud of herself.  Her cheeks were flushed red with excitement and she cycled along on the pavement while they all cycled on the road, as we told her she needed to keep on the path.  None of the other children had a cycle helmet on, to be fair we live in a cul-de-sac and although traffic can whizz round the corner, it's not really like you need to wear a helmet.  But Mads, our little girl, she always wears that blue and pink helmet- she's so very proud of it.  And now that helmet made her appear so little and small compared to her peers.    

After an hour or so, we told her it was time to come in, and she started to cry.  Big, fat tears rolled down her face and her bottom lip trembled as she told us she didn't want to. She did it in front of her new found friends, she doesn't yet have that filter that makes her realise that there are some things you don't do in public, melt downs over nothing being one of them.  She was so desperate to stay out but eventually we got her inside.  We stood in the kitchen and all of a sudden LL came up to her with her favourite toy 'Baa' and held it out for her to cuddle.  She said 'Here are Mads', she knew her big sister was sad and she wanted to make her feel better.

I don't know what came over me but I just burst into tears.  The feeling of experiencing this first milestone, combined with the tenderness in which LL gave Mads her toy, reduced me to sniffling like a baby.  I hugged Mr E and said to him 'I bet you think I am so silly', fully expecting him to proclaim that yes I was indeed a complete crazy person. But to my surprise he said 'I feel entirely the same away- I am not ready for this just yet.'  Indeed, now I am writing this some time later after they have both gone to sleep, Mr E and I have been chatting about it, and I am surprised just how much this small thing has got to him.  He says he feels very emotional about it all- about the prospect of learning to give her that little bit of freedom, of the worry, about the fact that his little girl is growing up so quickly.  

I know that it's probably a little pathetic to get so worked up about her playing outside on the street where we live, but I was just filled with so many emotions.  I still am to be honest.  There's no parenting rule book for this kind of thing and it just took us by suprise a little.  I'm so nervous about all the stages yet to come- teaching her that the world isn't always a lovely place, that there are people that could hurt her.  That not everyone is as kind and as beautiful inside as she is.  I am so sad about her losing that innocence, that pure child like innocence- the way she is proud of her Daddy stood there watching her, the way that she ran to me and hugged me because she was just so damn excited to be playing with the 'big boys and girls'.  

Until now, all our playdates and all her friendships have been closely monitored by us.  The little friends that she has made are mainly due to me being friends with their Mum's- they are chums of circumstance more than anything else.  It sounds ridiculous, but I also worry who she will become friends with at school when we are not there to influence it.  No mother wants their children to be friends with 'those kind of children' or worse still, have your child be the one that other parents are wary of.  The other day we were in the park and I was watching a group of three girls- they must have been about 11 or 12 and they looked so grown up.  They were wearing clothes that I would even wear, or perhaps a couple of years ago I would, their hair was styled in top knots and I am pretty sure they were wearing makeup.  They were playing on a roundabout and it struck me how they were so on the cusp of leaving childhood behind- they looked like teenagers and I overheard them on a couple of occasions about boys, but at the same time they were giggling loudly and freely as they held hands and tried to keep their balance.  That innocence of childhood and that beauty of childhood seems to be getting lost much earlier than when I was younger, I dread to think what it will be like in another ten years.

I'm not ready to let her go and while I know, yes she wil always be my baby, I am going to have let her go and become the little girl she was meant to be without me at her side constantly.  September brings her first year at school and a whole new set of milestones.  She's completely ready, but I am not.  I don't want this stage to be over.  I am not ready to leave these days behind.  I know that there's a lot of excitement to come but that doesn't mean I don't feel painfully sentimental about the fact that my little girl is growing up so quickly.  Bizarrely just this afternoon I bumped into the midwife that was there throughout my pregnancy with Mads.  It seemed like yesterday that I last saw her.  She will have seen countless babies born since then, each special and the most amazing gift to their parents.  Each and every one brand new and ready to start their story.

Leaving the hospital for the first time, the first mouthful of food, and the first steps are just different parts of their story.  The story of their childhood.  As is the first time they proudly forget their shyness and play outside on their street with their new found friends.  I did that, way back in the first few chapters of my own.  It's nothing out of the ordinary, it's just another ordinary milestone and moment ticked off the list, something that will happen on many, many occasions...

It's just another ordinary moment that as a parent feels so very bittersweet.  But to a little girl who has talked of nothing but playing out with her new friends, 'the big children' since she came in, to a little girl who has gone to bed with a bit of a spring in her step and a new found air of confidence and above all to a little girl who is feeling so proud and that little bit more grown up than she did when she went to bed the day before- well to her it's the most exciting of moments indeed.

playing outside for the first time

{The Ordinary Moments 15} #11 'A Topsy Turvy Week.'

on Sunday, 15 March 2015.

It's been one of those weeks here where it's all just been a little bit all over the place- a little topsy turvy.  After a busy weekend last weekend, we moved and cleared all the furniture out of Mads and LL's new rooms on Sunday evening to get it ready for our decorator to come and paint on the Monday.  He painted both rooms for us, including painting our new office space a colour which I decided I didn't like. (so he had to come back the following the day to repaint over it- Mr E wasn't impressed!)  

Once the painting was done 'Operation New Girls Room and New Office Space' officially commenced.  Mr E has spent almost every evening this week building countless flat packed furniture, including wardrobes, chests of drawers and of course a new bunk bed.  It's been a long week, and quite a tiring one too- I am not particularly good when the house is a mess and we have been wading under so much stuff- no room is safe from all the debris while we sort it out.  

LL has been sleeping in a travel cot all week in her old room and Mads has been sleeping in our bed- while I have relished the week of cuddles, she also isn't a particularly attractive bed partner- she kicks, snorts, plays with your ear constantly, and throws the cover off in the middle of the night.  She also has been getting up earlier in the morning's, presumably because she is in the middle of us two. As such I have been a little tired and grumpy, we all have actually.

But the end is in sight and we are so excited.  Yesterday we spent the whole day putting things up, sorting things out and generally trying to get the house back to some sort of order.  Unfortunately LL is a little under the weather which is a shame because Saturday was going to be the first day we put them in the room together- however we have vetoed this idea due to her not being well, but Mads has her first night in the top bunk which she is incredibly excited about.

The photo below is from Wednesday morning when they awoke to discover that the bunk bed fairy had made the bed up for them overnight.  They were so excited, and so far we have been up and down the ladder so many times that I have lost count.  I am a little nervous about them sharing a room- mainly as they are such good sleepers and also because LL hasn't slept in a bed before, but hopefully in a few days time I will be wondering why I was so worried.  Although I have a feeling there's going to be some settling in issues along the way!  Either way I hope sharing a room will bring my sisters even closer than they were before.  

newbunkbeds

 

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