Do you ever have one of those dreams that you just can't stop thinking about?
On Saturday night I have a vague recollection of sitting bolt upright in bed.
Apparently Mr E said that I shouted 'S*it S*it Mads has gone,' although I don't remember any of this.
Mr E tried to calm me down and told me not to worry, that Mads was safe in bed and it was the middle of the night.
Apparently I lay against him and he had to hold my shoulders because I was shaking so much. And I started crying.
Eventually I fell back to sleep. The weird thing is I don't ever really sleep talk and I don't remember any of it at all bar sitting bolt upright in bed and then at the end I remember Mr E cuddling me. I woke up this morning with puffy eyes so I must have cried a fair bit.
I have been thinking about my 'dream' all day. Isn't it weird what a psychological affect they have on you?
I have always had nightmares. I don't know what it is, I think I have an overactive imagination but when I was young I used to get the most terrifying nightmares. Even now, as an adult, I still go through a phase of waking up in the night feeling so scared as I have had a bad dream. It will then take me ages to get back to sleep. I used to have a reoccuring dream as a child of a man just standing on our landing just staring into my bedroom, he had black gloves on, and he didn't move an inch. Just stared. Then he slowly started to walk towards my room. I would always wake up before he got to me.
I don't know why but I have always suffered with them. This is the first time my lovely little girl has featured in them though.
I look at Mads and the thought of anything bad happening to her is too unbearable to comprehend. I know I mention this a lot, but at the moment I am basking in her innocence.
Last weekend has been spent making the most simple memories. We huffed and puffed at dandelions, we slid down slides and we splashed in paddling pools. We had our first BBQ of the summer, and we lay on a picnic blanket in the sun and discussed how good life was. How lucky we are.
My sleep may be affected by nightmares...but my reality is anything but.
Quote by John Lennon.