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Articles tagged with: Mads

You Are Nearly Four...And An Apology.

on Thursday, 23 October 2014.

Dearest Mads,

I need to start off this letter to you firstly by saying how sorry I am.  From when you were in my tummy I started writing you letters, telling you what we got up to that month and what you had learnt and experienced.  I wanted you to read them all when you were older and get a glimpse of what your early years were like.  I started writing them on this blog, but Daddy used to print them out on nice paper so you could keep them too.

Then a few months ago I started getting a little lazy.  Factor in a busy Summer where life got very hectic and I didn't have time/forgot to write your letters.  I do feel a little sad that I haven't kept up with them but at the same time we have got my blog posts, our photos and videos to fill in the gaps. I have decided from now to just write them every now and again rather than monthly, but know that every word is just as heartfelt as before.

40 months 

So what to say about my biggest girl?  The first thing is just how much of a big girl you are now.  I don't know when it happened but somehow my little toddler turned into a proper young girl.  You have grown so tall, all your baby fat has gone (bar your little tummy!) and you are all lanky limbs.  You also have the grace of an elephant, we definitely won't be enrolling in ballet any time soon- you are such a clumsy little thing who climbs, jumps and crawls all over us.  

You are such a feisty lady, with strong opinions who isn't afraid to make herself heard but likewise you are shy and cling to Mummy until you have warmed to a person or a situation.  You have things that you have really love and things you really dislike.  For example you love 'boy clothes' at the moment- you very much have your own sense of style and you like anything that is dark colours, or shirts, trousers and leggings.  Every morning you help me decide what to dress you in and off you go into your bedroom and shut the door and get yourself dressed, coming to show me yourself in your outfit with the biggest smile of pride on your face.  If you don't like something Mummy has picked out we will have such a fight trying to get you to wear it, so we often let you choose for an easy life.

Your obsession with 'little bits and bobs' doesn't show any sign of waning.  You are like a little magpie, but you just want anything cheap and what Mummy would class as rubbish.  Things out of Kinder Eggs or any type of egg for that matter, toys out of party bags, and crappy pocket money toys you get at the garden centre are your favourite and you will hoard them under your pillow or by the side of your bed and put them in little bags.  You still love to watch all these weird videos on You Tube of eggs being unwrapped or plastic toys being played with and I think that is where a lot of it comes from.

40 months a

You still love Toy Story and anything related to it, and Pongo the toy dog is still your favourite thing to cuddle.  You wouldn't go to sleep without him, but you aren't fully attached to him like LL is to her sheep, who she carries around with her everywhere she goes.  Speaking of your little sister, you are still one in a million to her, caring for her and loving her completely, but as you both grow and your bond develops, you definitely wind each other up.  Lately you have been not letting her have things you are playing with occasionally just to wind her up, and whereas before she wouldn't care, now has her own mind as well and will throw a paddy.  This normally causes tears and strops all round. 

On the whole you are a very good girl, very affectionate and loving, and a little comedian who loves to make people laugh.  You pull funny faces and tell us funny stories, although at the moment toilet humour seems to be your thing- you love to talk about poo, bottoms and bits- we can only think you have picked it up at nursery!  Our biggest arguements revolve around food, we battle with you on a daily basis and it is at an all time low- your diet at the moment consists of a few bites of pasta, curry or chilli before messing around and causing dinner time to be a stress, even things other children would consider 'treats' like pizza are not on your menu anymore.  If it's green, fresh and healthy you won't touch it, yet you eat everything you are given at nursery.

Another thing guaranteed to make us clash is hair wash time.  You cry and throw a fit, especially when it comes to brushing it.  We leave your beautiful curls without brushing them for an easy life and then when we do brush them after a couple of days it is even worse, to be fair I can understand it probably does hurt, but it's a constant battle trying to brush it!  But you love to splash in the bath and over the summer became a real water baby, loving to go swimming and gaining such confidence in the water.

40 months c

Your sleep is still amazing and you are still napping at nearly four, although your naps have got a little shorter on some days.  If you do have a short nap of around an hour, you just get up and cuddle with me on the sofa and watch the television, you know while LL is still asleep that it is quiet time so I do relish those moments with you when we snuggle together quietly.

You now go to nursery three long mornings a week, one day extra than your sister as we want you to get ready for school next September.  You love nursery, and are now in the 'Lions' room- the preschool room where you are thriving.  You are a well liked member of your group and they have never had to tell you off, saying you are as good as gold.  Speaking of the S word, I cannot believe that in eleven months we will be saying goodbye to this chapter of your life.  The thought of it makes me want to burst into tears, I am not ready for this next stage.

I know you will grow and thrive at school, but I am going to savour every single minute of this year, of having you with us and of being a team of three in the week.  As much as you drive me mad, I adore being with you, love our days together and I am not quite ready to accept that I have to let you go a little bit.  You are sweet, pure and full of love, with such an innocent mind and I know that come September a little of that will leave you.  The other day you said to me 'How does Father Christmas know what toys you want?' to which I said 'Because he listens' and you replied 'Is he a little bit near the shops?'  I find it hard to believe that you will all too soon be off on that journey and I will have to accept it.

So until then I am trying not to rush ahead, I am living in the here and now and relishing all those hugs and cuddles, and our little routine with you.  

I am so very proud of you my beautiful girl.  Stay little please.  You are growing up far too fast.

I love you, always and forever,

But as always, you already knew that.

Mummy xxx

40 months b

 (You can read my other letters to my littles here.)

So It's Autumn...

on Tuesday, 21 October 2014.

Autumn is officially here and has been for a couple of weeks, but due to being busy, under the weather and a little bit lazy we haven't really had time to truly appreciate the changing of the season until yesterday.

 I have written about Autumn before, this time last year, but I do love the anticipation it brings.  While I typically am a Summer girl through and through, there is something strangely comforting about Autumn.  There is definitely an element of nesting- we spent last weekend doing odd jobs around the house that we have been meaning to do for ages, giving it a spring clean and generally getting ready for the hibernation period.  We have been getting into our pj's at 1pm after coming home from going out for the morning and it already feels like we are getting that little bit cosier.

Our home for the first time in five years actually feels much more 'homely'.  This year we have spent a fair bit of time and money doing it up and as such our living room, bedroom and bathroom all feel ready for the cosiness of the winter months ahead.  There is nothing I like more than lighting some candles and snuggling down on the sofa with a blanket.  Although not completely finished, I feel such satisfaction in spending time in our little home and creating memories there. 

I thought our pace of life would slow down after our hectic Summer, but it seems to be just as busy.  We have stuff planned for a fair few weekends in November already, mixed in with the odd lazy one too, and December is always busy for us with our wedding anniversary, Mads birthday and of course Christmas.  I am relishing making adventures with my little family and am so thankful for these times.

But as always it's the simple, everyday moments and routines that we all really thrive on.  And I think that's exactly what Autumn brings- just a sense of contentment and gratitude at being here, being us and living our ordinary happy life.  

Like going on Autumn walks together...

I hadn't taken any photos with my 'big camera' for a couple of weeks- partly due to being busy, partly due to being poorly and also being a little lazy too, it's probably the longset I haven't got it out in a while.  So yesterday I dusted it off and took it out on an early morning walk.  I didn't think the photos would be anything special but I just wanted to snap some of my girls as I hadn't for a while.  It turns out I love these photos so much.  They wind each other up a lot at the moment (and often me as well!) but it is a sign of how close they are, they can be arguing over a toy one minute and then cuddling the next.  Their bond is so real and so special and I am so proud of the little people they are becoming.

My happy, innocent little three year old and one year old.

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M is for Mads... (And Mango!)

on Monday, 08 September 2014.

One of my favourite brands is Innocent- not firstly for the fact that I am a little bit obsessed with their Innocent Veg Pots (Yum!) but also because I have always had a secret yearning to work at Fruit Towers- it looks like the best place to work ever.  When Innocent got in touch to see if we wanted to be one of twenty six bloggers spelling out the alphabet for their Alphabet Challenge, we said yes of course.  We would happily sell our souls in exchange for some free vouchers.  (That bit might not be entirely true)  

We got given the letter M so of course M is for my Mads.  And Mango.

*****

Little over a year ago I wrote this post.  In it I wrote down all my feelings about Mads potentially starting preschool, about how it was the end of an era and how about we should treasure all these precious moments together.  I read it back today and almost cried, I look at those photos of her running around in her little pink tutu clutching some balloons and she just looks so young.  I remember that day like it was yesterday, yet so much has changed.  She has grown at least a foot taller, those little ringlet curls have got looser and are now almost down to her bottom, and she has changed so much in the face.  Gone are the not quite a baby/not yet a girl features, instead now she is a little girl through and through.  This Summer has seen the arrival of a splattering of freckles, sun kisses as we call them, over her little button nose.  

I'm feeling very nostalgic at the moment, and a little sentimental too.  Seeing proud parents post photos of their children all over social media, smiling in their slightly too big, ironed and crisp new school uniform, I am well aware that next year that will be us.  It's something that every parent goes through, we have known it was coming even from when she was tiny, when the very idea of school seemed like a far off dream.  But slowly we are ticking those milestones of the list- she's been at nursery/preschool almost a year now, she can write her name, she no longer needs her little musical doggy to send her off to sleep at night.  Tick, Tick, Tick, another day passing, another milestone achieved.  

She drives me mad on a daily basis, she takes about fifteen minutes to get into her car seat especially when I am in a rush, and she can throw one hell of a wobbler if she doesn't get her own way on occasions.  But for the most part, we are best friends.  She is completely innocent, still sucks her fingers and plays with ears when she is tired and still believes we are the centre of the world.  While she realises there are bad people in the world, or that bad things can happen, she doesn't truly grasp that concept quite yet.  She lives in a world of rainbows, fairies and Toy Story characters that come to life.  And I am not ready to leave that world behind.

Growing up hurts sometimes, it hurts us parents who watch them leaving those precious days behind- those tiny, wailing newborn days, those days where you feel like you will never get off the sofa without a child attached to your breast, those terrible twos where they won't eat anything but fromage frais, and those funny days where they learn word after word and pronounce them wrong.  But that's life.  We change.  We grow.  We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, let alone a year from now.

So I had to dedicate my letter in the Innocent Alphabet to Mads.  My precious little girl, who over the next year is going to change and grow more than ever.  Who one day won't think her Mummy is the centre of her universe.  Who a year from now I will have to let go of just a tiny little bit, as she learns to become the person she is meant to be through the help of her hopefully special and memorable school days.   We will enjoy the next year together, the lazy days, the days where we don't have to rush around for the school run, and the days where it's just the three of us.  We will bake cakes, see friends, go to the playground and make smoothies.

M is for Mads.  And Mango.

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{The Ordinary Moments 14} #33 'A New Ordinary Friday'

on Sunday, 07 September 2014.

I have spoken many times before about how I am a creature of habit and how we have our little 'during the week' routine down to a tee.  Most afternoons are taken up with nap times, so it's only really mornings we need to fill.  On a Monday we see my Mum, Tuesday and Thursday morning the girls go to nursery while I work, Wednesday we go to see one of my closest friends and her children and then for the last couple of years Friday's have been taken up with seeing the friends I made via my NCT class way back when I was pregnant with Mads.

For a long time I had guilt about putting my girls into nursery.  When it was just Mads, she went to our wonderful family friends while I worked three days a week but I was in a really fortunate position after having LL that I was able to hand my notice in and work freelance.  However because I work from home sometimes I felt guilty about the fact they were at nursery, but at same time I couldn't work while they were in the house.  Nowadays, I feel we have the balance just right for us, they have time to learn and grow without me, I get some time to myself, and I also work in the evenings when they are asleep.  I don't feel guilty anymore for enjoying the time I get away from them, as I think it makes me a better Mummy when we are together.

However as of last Friday our routine changed again.  For a while now we have been considering putting Mads into nursery an extra session, partly because we feel that it will help her be more ready for school next year (the jump from two long mornings to five full days seeming quite a lot) and partly because we felt LL would thrive on having some one on one time with Mummy.  While I know every child is different, Mads was talking non stop at LL's age whereas LL still hardly says a word, and we just felt that it would be nice to dedicate some time just to her as it is something she has never had.   

Mads first extra session has coincided with her moving up into the big 'pre school room' so the change has made her a little unsettled, while she is all smiles when I pick her up, when I drop her off she is a little clingy as she misses her keyworker in her old room.  This of course has set off the guilt all over again- I feel guilty that technically she doesn't have to be there, that she is not there because I am working, but because I am enjoying time with LL.   When I dropped her off last Friday I genuinely felt a little strange and emotional.  A lot of it is because I am aware just how quickly she is growing up, how this time next year it will be me posting proud photos of her in her school uniform and waving her off on her first day.  I feel like we are almost on 'borrowed time' before school gets her and our life changes dramatically, and this week I have felt a real sense of treasuring these moments even more than usual.  Coupled with the fact that she was a little bit teary about going, meant that I felt really bad as I drove off and I wondered whether to turn round to go and get her and take her with us out to lunch to meet our friends. 

But then I went home and snuggled on the sofa with my little LL.  It was almost like I saw her in a different light.  We spent an hour or so at home where we played with almost every single toy in the toy box, her never leaving my side and glueing her little bottom to my lap.  She giggled and smiled non stop and was visibly so excited to have my one on one attention.  We then went out to lunch where my friends commented how happy she was.  And I realised that we both need this time together, I enjoyed every single second of it and I know that she did too.  She made me smile all morning and I loved watching her.  We went to pick Mads up and she was happy and excited, telling me all about her day in the 'Lions' room and how was thrilled that she got to do Gymnastics on a Friday from now on because a man comes from outside to teach them.  I know now we have made the right decision to change our Friday routine.  

Because looking at this little face and the smile that didn't leave it all morning, I am looking forward to giving her the one on one attention that she quite rightly deserves.  And I am looking forward to the cuddles when I pick Mads up even more...

 

happyLLSept14

 

 

 

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