Last Tuesday I had one of those 'perfect' Mama days.
You know those days where everything just seems to go your way? We didn't do anything particularly exciting, just went by our day to day ordinary life, but it just right.
We got up and took a long walk in the double buggy to town, the sun was shining and for the first time this year it actually felt like Spring was coming. Mads and I sung songs the whole way there, and giggled and laughed at different things along the way. We met a friend for a hot chocolate and Mads had a naughty marshmallow pop before proceeding to eat half my cake too. She was such a good girl while we there as it wasn't particularly exciting for her and we must have been there about two hours. We then came home, she ate all her lunch, and then had a long nap.
When she got up, her, LL and I snuggled on the sofa. Mads always asks to hold her, and I put LL in her arms and she cuddled up to her and stroked her ear. She turned to me and said 'I love Baby LL Mummy.' We sat there for about half an hour, just cuddling, and LL was really interactive, smiling and cooing at us.
I sat on that sofa and stared at my beautiful children and I was on a high better than any drug could ever give you. I wish I could bottle up that feeling and open it up whenever I am having a stressful day with them. Watching them interact made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Their bond is increasing every day and as I sat back and watched my amazing little 28 month old cuddle and kiss her little sister, I wanted to soak every moment of it in.
I had to grab my camera. I want to remember these moments.
These small, little details of our every day life.
I want to remember the gentle, tender touch of my Mads stroking my ear when she is tired.
I want to remember the first creepings of a smile from LL, the way her little eyes light up and how she is growing more interactive every day.
I want to remember how Mads wakes up from her nap in the afternoons and her hair is all unruly and wild and she looks at me with such happiness and says 'hello Mummy.'
I want to remember how LL makes little sucking noises and coos when she is feeding. How she is starting to look up at me when she is doing it and there is no where else I would rather be.
I want to remember the way Mads giggles and laughs and splashes in the bath at night times and how she has a fit when you try and wash her hair.
I want to remember how LL can be in a deep sleep and startle herself and her little arms jerk in the air.
I want to remember how Mads face lights up with sheer delight when you pay her attention. How she doesn't care about anything except pleasing you and hearing your praise.
I want to remember how soft LL's hair and head is, how I could stroke it all day and breathe in her gorgeous baby smell- that intoxicating baby smell.
I want to remember Mads innocence, how completely and utterly innocent she is- how when she laughs and can't stop it makes me often get tears in my eyes.
I want to remember the lazy weekend afternoons snuggled up under the blanket on the sofa watching Shrek, or Madagascar.
I want to remember the way my babies are now- the way they are bonding with each other, and how our first eight weeks as a family of four have been some of the most incredible days of my life. Tiring, sometimes stressful, frustrating, but just amazing.
Being a Mummy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But my children aren't angels all of the time.
Sometimes I am literally desperate for Mr E to come home from work, one day last week I was actually watching from the upstairs window for his bike to come down the street.
Sometimes I lose my patience with Mads when she is just being a toddler and not doing anything particularly wrong, sometimes I feed LL more than I need to just to stop her from crying.
Sometimes I would love to just go on a night out with my friends who still live in London and don't have children, get ridiculously drunk AND lie in until 12pm the next day.
Sometimes I forget the person I was before I was a Mum. The person who had no trouble in spending £100 on makeup without flinching or who spent half an hour curling my hair in the morning. I feel like a completely different person to who I was then.
I don't remember that person at all.
Being a Mum is hard work, and its not always picture perfect moments of two little girls in matching dresses all the time.
But then you have ordinary Tuesday afternoons, snuggling on the sofa, laughing, kissing and cuddling...
And you realise that your ordinary life is pretty damn good. Not always perfect, sometimes stressful but pretty damn good.
Those are the moments I want to remember.