I think I am a little bit of a cliche when it comes to which moment I would want to relive if I could relive just one. Well two. I would of course relive the moment my babies made their first entrance into the world. Those precious first minutes in which I became a mother. First to one, then to two. Hearing that first cry, watching Mr E cradle these little people that I had wished for every single day and feeling all those emotions- fear, joy, excitement and love.
Of course I will never ever forget those two special days, they are the most important of my life, but as each month passes they go fuzzier in time. The memories are there, but I can no longer feel the emotions as easily, or I can no longer see the minute details. It's almost like I am an outsider looking in on these two incredible moments.
I would give anything to go back and experience what it felt like to be changed instantly. To be overwhelmed by love in that way.
Every day at the moment something changes in our family. Not big milestones, but just subtle changes. Mads may learn a new word, or try a new food. LL may stay on her tummy for that little bit longer than she did the day before, or may grab a toy and interact with it when before she hadn't paid an interest.
Then there's the slightly bigger ones. We are talking about putting Mads into her big girl bed this week, and LL into her own room. Gone are the days when my littlest baby will be next to me in her crib in the nights. She turns six months next week and soon the adventure of weaning will begin. Gone are the days where Mummy's milk will be all she needs to grow and thrive. Just like it did with her sister.
Mads is changing every week. When I look at photos of her, even from Christmas time, I can't believe how grown up she is. There is no ounce of toddler about her now- she is a litte girl- potty trained, speaking like a four year old and so wise beyond her two and a half years. She has an awareness and perception of feelings and emotions that seems so grown up to me. She is becoming my little friend, we laugh and we giggle all the time, and she drives me mad with frustration too. It is exciting to think of all the adventures we will be getting up to in the future, and I am so proud of her.
LL is no longer a newborn baby. She is on the cusp of such an exciting developmental period- weaning, sitting up, crawling and those precious first words are all on the cards over the next six months. She interacts and laughs all day long, and is never without a smile on her face.
My girls are becoming the best of friends. Every single day I watch their relationship grow and thrive, and the way they interact with each other quite honestly moves me to tears. LL looks at her big sister with utter love, and giggles at her all day long. She follows her round the room with her eyes, just smiling at her. And Mads continues to take to her 'role' just as she should- she is caring and kind to her 'baby'.
I am excited to see what they will be like together in the future.
Yet at the same time it is all so bittersweet.
There's that expression about parenting 'The days are long but the years are short'. That is so so true.
It's all just going far too quickly for me. Just like I can no longer completely remember every single detail of the days Mads and LL were born, other bits are becoming hazier too. I can't picture Mads at LL's age as easily as I used to. I can see her in my mind, but it's just a bit blurry round the edges.
I can't remember LL as a newborn. Although it was only a few short month's ago I have already forgotten exactly what it is like to have a tiny baby curled up on my chest. She is changing and growing so rapidly, and I feel like if I blink I will miss it.
People keep telling me to enjoy my girls at this age because it will all too soon be over. I am trying to remember that in the midst of the tantrums, or the sleepless nights. I am trying to relish every single moment, even on the days where I find it tough.
Before I became a Mama, I imagined all the things I would look forward to- the days out, the holidays, the showing off my girls at family lunches, and the celebrating Mothers Days. And while all these things are just as I thought they would be, it's the ordinary moments that I want to remember. The cuddling a sleepy girl in the middle of the night whose woken up and just wants her Mummy, the lying on the living room rug making a den and hiding under blankets, and the uncontrollable giggles as they splash around in the bath together- those are the things I will miss when they are older.
But as I sit back and watch my girls playing together on a rug in the hazy afternoon sunshine- LL smiling up at her sister with utter joy on her little face and Mads holding her gently and giggling as she wriggles about- I see a glimpse into the future.
A future of friendships, giggling little girls and two sisters running rings round their Mummy and Daddy.
And while the moments we are leaving behind are bittersweet, I know we have many more happy moments to come.