I am going to blame it on the hormones, but just lately I can't stop thinking about what it means to be a mother and what it means to be a mother to little girls. After all little girls and little boys are very different, not just for the obvious reasons, and therefore they require a very different parenting style.
Ultimately when I think about what kind of Mummy I am to my lovely Mads, I always in turn think about my own Mum and how she raised me and my sister.
In short my Mum is the best person I know. My husband comes in a very close second, and in actual fact they are very similar- both are completely and utterly selfless and would do anything for anyone.
My Mum is one in a million, and I don't think I have ever met anyone like her in my whole life. She is completely selfless and would do anything for her children, and I mean anything, and I hope to God I can be that kind of Mum to my little girls.
I have always got on with my Mum- from an early age we were the best of friends. She has always been incredibly affectionate and I remember lying in bed when I was small just cuddling her. I always used to hold her hand walking down the street, even when I was far too old to probably be doing so in public. I had a childhood full of affection and love, from both my Mum and Dad, which is something that I want to make sure my babies get as well- there is never a day, even now, where she doesn't tell me she loves me or gives me a hug or a kiss. That is just her nature.
Yet she was always the 'cool' mum out of all of my friends parents. She would buy as alcohol as we got older, as long as we drank it in the house where she could keep an eye on us, and she would buy me fashionable clothes and make up. When I decided, at sixth form, that I wanted a tattoo she lectured me and told me I would regret it, but came with me to the place to check out it was clean, that the tattoo was tiny, and so I didn't go to a dodgy backstreet place. Turns out she was right. I do regret it. You should always listen to your Mum.
I have always been able to tell her absolutely anything. When I first lost my virginity to my then boyfriend at sixteen, I told her, and she took me to the doctors to sort out my contraception. At the end of the day, she knew I would be doing it anyway so her train of thought was that she wanted me to be safe. She was my best friend as a teenager, and I would always confide in her about everything- school, boys, friendships and more.
We had our moments. I went through that teenage girl hell stage where I would be moody and shout, answer her back and get stroppy. But ultimately I have always respected my Mum- she drove me mad sometimes, and occasionally still does, but I would never have done anything to disrespect her or make her disappointed in me.
As we have got older, our bond and friendship hasn't faltered. I left home at eighteen and went to university, and then lived in Leeds and London for a couple of years. We didn't see each other anywhere near as much, but we talked most days. I moved back to Cambridgeshire a few years ago and we have got even closer, I now don't go a day without talking to her. Maybe even two or three times a day!
She accepted my husband into our family, and loves him lots, I have seen him cry into her shoulder and to me that shows how he must feel about her, and I am grateful for the fact that she loves him like a son.
She would give you the clothes off her back if it would make you happy, and she is the most generous person I know. She gave myself and Mr E the deposit for our house, saying that we needed to pay her back, but then as a wedding gift told us that we didn't need too. She has set myself and my little family up for life, and I can never thank her enough for what she has done for us.
And for what she continues to do for us. She supports me, sometimes financially with the odd treat here and there for myself and Mads, but always emotionally- I know I can always turn to her whatever is wrong, and she won't judge me. To me, that is a Mum in a million. She looks after myself, Mr E and Mads, and I know she will always will.
She is proving to be just as amazing as a Grandma. I love watching her with my daughter, and the way that Mads squeals in excitement as we go up her driveway, makes me know that she feels the same way about her as I do. Mads adores her 'Bam Bam' which is her word for Grandma. And my Mum adores Mads, and helps me with her so much- looking after her a day a week while I am at work, and a lot more besides that. She is the best Grandma in the world, although I wish she wouldn't give my little girl quite so much chocolate. We still need to have words about that!
Without a shadow of a doubt she is the most incredible person I know, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be half of the person I was if it wasn't for her- I love her more than I could ever possibly say. I can't thank her enough for all she does for me, and has done for me throughout my life.
I have a little girl, and am soon to be having another one, and I feel very strongly about how I am going to raise them, and my hormones are definitely making me think about what it is like to be a Mum to girls.
All I know is if I can be even a tenth of a Mummy to them as my Mum is to us, then I know for a fact that I will be doing something right.
I love you Mum. xxx
P.S Please stop giving Mads so much chocolate!