Sometimes at the end of a long day I lie in bed and think that I haven't been the best Mum I could have been that day. Perhaps I have snapped at Mads for no reason, left them in front of the TV that little bit too long, or lost my patience just a little bit too quickly.
Or then I think that I have got stressed at something that really doesn't matter, like a new stain on the carpet or the fact that I didn't manage to tidy the house that day. I worry about what if's a lot as well, and every day worries like bills and work.
A few months ago I watched a film at the cinema with friends called 'About Time'. The premise of the film is that the main character can travel back in time to live that day again and potentially change it. Although not going to win any Oscars, I really loved the film as it completely resonated with me and I made Mr E sit through it again at the weekend. Again it really made me think about my life.
My beautiful little ladies are growing up so quickly. Every day Mads grows a tiny bit taller, conquers something new or acheives another milestone. She's three! Three. I cannot believe it. Every time I look at LL I feel like she looks less like a baby and more like a toddler and it feels like she is on a mission to leave babyhood behind.
I like to think I am a good Mummy, in fact I know I am a good one, but sometimes I think I like an easy life. I may say 'Let's go the park after nap time' only to decide it's a bit too cold and dark to go. Or I try and tempt Mads away from doing painting because I just can't be bothered with the havoc and mess. I sometimes don't go on full days out in the week because of the fact that I am strict with their nap time routine. Don't get me wrong, we go out every morning, we play lots and we have lots of fun but what I am trying to say is that sometimes I don't think I make the very best we could out of each day.
But you only get one chance at each day, once they are in bed I won't be able to ever get it back again. Who cares if we go out and get ridiculously muddy? They are just clothes and they can be washed. Who cares if they don't nap for one afternoon? It won't make them never nap again. Who cares if it is cold and dark? Why not make it even more fun and go out and have an adventure with a torch? Who cares if we stay in our PJ's and cuddle all day? There will be a time when they won't want to snuggle with their Mummy non stop.
My girls are at a stage in life where the most simple and ordinary moments are exciting. Mads has the biggest and best imagination, where even the most mundane tasks are worthy of an adventure. They aren't yet motivated by material possessions, they are completely innocent, full of expectation, and by far their most favourite thing to do is just to be with their Mummy and Daddy.
I need to look at the world through their eyes a little more. See the excitement and beauty in it. See that even the most simple moments are beautiful and something to smile about. Time is so fleeting and going so quickly, and I want to experience, record and treasure all these memories I am making with my little girls.
Even the most ordinary ones.
There is a line in the film that has really stuck with me...
I think it's definitely something I am going to try and live by a bit more.
At the weekend I filmed one of our ordinary days. One of my closest friends Lucy has made a few videos and we have featured in a couple. Mads ADORES them and I think we must watch them all at least a few times a week, with her constantly asking me. They are so lovely to look back on and so I thought I would make one myself, I wanted to capture a simple day in our lives. It does make me stop and realise just how lucky we are.
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