Do you ever just want to freeze time? Or store every memory up in your head and be able to go back and relive them whenever you want?
Recently I can't stop thinking about Mads and how completely and utterly pure and innocent she is. She knows nothing of the sometimes horrible world we live in, she knows nothing of the dangers. All she sees is the beauty in things. She is a little blank canvas, ready to be moulded by the way we bring her up.
The way she giggles when we blow raspberries on her tummy. The way her little face lights up and her eyes go big and wide when she gets chocolate. The way her Daddy coming in from work makes her jump up and down and shout with delight. All these things are the most endearing and beautiful qualities that make her our lovely daughter.
I don't want her to lose them. Sometimes I want to guard her from the world and all the horrible things that coud happen. I never want her to feel scared, get hurt, or feel any sort of pain. I don't want her to know that there are some not so good people out there, that can do bad things. I don't want her to know that there are people out there who steal, or kill, or hurt. Or that some people bully and say mean things. That someone could break her heart one day. I want her to keep her in her cocoon of childlike innocence forever.
I want her to grow up and find the magic in things. Be excited about Father Christmas coming, or by putting her tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy. I want her to play with dolls, tenderly brush their hair and play make believe and imagine fairies, ghosts and mermaids. I want to make her younger years a life full of fun, imagination and creativity.
You see children nowadays and they grow up far too quickly. You only have to walk down the street and see girls as young as twelve caked in makeup, fake tan and false eyelashes. Why are they in such a hurry to grow up? Why can't they enjoy being young?
When the time comes, don't get me wrong, I will educate my daughter to know right from wrong, and I will make her street wise.
I just wish I didn't have too.
I wish I could keep her my innocent and pure little girl forever, the one that sucks her fingers and pulls on my ear when she is tired. The one whose tears can be stopped by a cuddle from her Mummy or Daddy.
It makes me sad to think of the day when cuddles might not be enough.