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Next Time Around?

on Thursday, 18 October 2012.

I am ages away from having a second little person in our lives but I have already started thinking about some of the major things that are worrying me.  The first being the way I actually have Bug- VBAC or C-Section?  The second thing that is making me think quite a bit is how much I want to be able to breastfeed this little one- just like I did her big sister.

Breastfeeding didn't come naturally to me the first time around, in fact from from it, but I was determined to do it.  I have said before on other posts that I am certainly not a breast feeding activist- in fact far from it, I don't have a huge opinion on how other people feed their babies, thats up to them, but I personally wanted to have a go at breastfeeding Mads.  However I was also under the opinion that if it didn't work then I would rather have a happy baby and be a happy Mummy and formula feed instead.

Of course yes it hurt to start with.  It hurt like hell, and at the time I wondered whether we would both be happier bottle feeding, I would literally sob with pain every time I tried to feed her.  However we then had a slight setback (aka the worst day of my life so far) when she was a week old and we went to get her from her nap, and she was just pale and floppy and wouldn't wake up.  Cue a mad dash to A and E, and a very scary few hours, followed by a stay in hospital for both of us, and I think I just got it into my head that in order to protect her from infection I needed to breastfeed.  I wrote all about that here.

Breastfeeding wasn't easy for me.  I was hospitalised with mastitis, had the infection another four times and Mads refused my left side so I had to literally be a hermit and leave my friends and baby groups to go home and express off one side every few hours.  Otherwise I would have had very lopsided boobies.

Eventually it all settled down around six months and I loved feeding Mads.  For me it was easy, natural, it helped me lose my baby weight while eating copious amounts of chocolate cake, and it cost nothing.  I loved the closeness it brought us.  When I did eventually finish which was around 10 or 11 months, I remember crying like a baby because my little girl was 'growing up too quick'.  I had many happy times feeding her and I am glad that I got through all the struggles to do it.

Which brings me to baby number two.  I have a massive fear that I won't be able to breastfeed this time around.  And weirdly enough I care even more so this time.  Last time if we hadn't had the setback and I had switched to formula, I wouldn't have known any different- we would have both been happy.  This time I know that I managed to feed Mads for eleven months- I want to be able to do the same for her little sister.

I know they say it is easier the second time around as you know what you are doing a little more- but I am still worried.  The usual what if she doesn't latch on correctly?  Or what if my milk supply isn't strong enough?  As it didn't come easy to us last time, I have a fear that it won't work this time around.  

And I really want it too.  I want that wonderful breastfeeding experience I had with Mads when she was around six months old- but I want it earlier this time, I want to enjoy and love feeding my newborn.  I know it is early to think about it but I just really want a positive experience.  Yes I am prepared to slather on the Lansinoh cream and for it to hurt to start with, but I just want to have those magical moments earlier this time.

I don't have an opinion on how others feed their babies, whatever makes a happy Mummy and a happy baby.  But this Mummy won't be happy if she doesn't manage it this time around.

 And I hate feeling that way.

 

feedingmads

Comments (9)

  • Bex @ The Mummy Adventure

    Bex @ The Mummy Adventure

    18 October 2012 at 07:54 |
    I really hope everything goes well for you this time. I had it easy the first time and am terrified that we will struggle the second and it must be even harder being in pain and having a busy toddler running around. Good luck with it all and I am sure it will work out for you x
  • Lauren

    Lauren

    18 October 2012 at 08:08 |
    I completely know how you feel.
    When I fed Charles we had issues in the first two weeks but just due to tongue tie. Then he was a perfect feeder (despite the odd bite).
    I was desperate to feed Harry, the same way as you want to feed Baby Two. Not only for myself and for the baby, but because I knew other people would say something if I didn't. Like I'd failed second time round after doing so well the first time.
    We had problems in the first month. Harry was very lazy and rather than latch on and feed properly, he would just let my milk pour into his mouth. It hurt a lot more and for a lot longer than it did when I fed Charles.
    We had a lot of learning to do and a lot of work to do but we got there and we're still feeding at just over 15 months. I was told I had to ditch my breastfeeding cushion as it wasn't good for our positioning.
    I hope it goes ok for you and that you are able to breastfeed the new baby.
    Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or to worry about it too much :-) xx
  • Lucy at Dear Beautiful Boy

    Lucy at Dear Beautiful Boy

    18 October 2012 at 08:11 |
    I had those exact feelings, it's almost like when you know that you can and have done it, that you owe it to number two. When I was pregnant this time around I found myself really looking forward to breastfeeding again and I was so worried it wouldn't work out.
    Obviously it's still early days really, but I kind of feel like I never stopped. The pain didn't last as long and we've both just fallen into it really well. And I'm sure you'll find it goes just as well for you second time. Confidence goes a long way with breastfeeding and you will know what you're doing this time. X
  • LauraCYMFT

    LauraCYMFT

    18 October 2012 at 08:43 |
    Having had real problems with my first to the point I gave up BF and went on to formula, I was super worried I wouldn't be able to BF at all the second time. I did manage and I think it's because you are that bit more confident in yourself as a mum and knowing how to look after a small person without having to check everything with a midwife, health visitor, friend or family member. I think you have quite a positive attitude towards the whole thing and because of that I think you'll have no problems with Bug.
  • Red Rose Mummy

    Red Rose Mummy

    18 October 2012 at 18:47 |
    I hope you find it easier second time around. I definitely have, Every baby is different. My first was a really lazy feeder and wouldn't wake up to feed, that, coupled with my milk not coming in for 5 days led to a horrible first two weeks of feeding. Thankfully once we got past that we were fine and went on to feed for 26 months. I'm now feeding my new six week old and she has been brilliant from day one. It really helped that one of us knew what we were doing this time!
  • Shona Sweeney

    Shona Sweeney

    18 October 2012 at 19:16 |
    I struggled with our first & gave up after 4wks in exhaustion. When I had no. 2 it was so much easier & I felt like I'd failed my eldest! Us mummies are too hard on ourselves.
    Put no pressure on yourself & I'm sure you'll be fine. x
  • Mumsmoments

    Mumsmoments

    19 October 2012 at 16:20 |
    I was able to fee my first.....I tried everything and so did several midwives and health visitors! It just wasn't happening for me and the stress and strain soon took its toll! My son was bottle fed as a result, and at the time I felt like a huge failure. Having no choice in the matter though, I do feel that in a way it was better for me in the end. I returned to work after three months and my OH and MIL got to give him lots of feeds. I am ashamed to say that I didn't try with the second- I know I should of done, but I just couldn't face not being able to do it. I'd had to have a c section too, both times, so already felt cheated out of the whole birthing thing! I guess sometimes we don't have a choice, but we must not be too hard on ourselves if things don't go as planned.
  • Beth... (@plasticrosaries)

    Beth... (@plasticrosaries)

    20 October 2012 at 09:39 |
    You sound like me! For some reason I would be much more disappointed if I didn't manage to feed for as long this time - I think it's because like you say, you know you've had the capacity to do it before.
    My rule last time was to not put any pressure on myself and see what happened and it all went pretty well, no complaints at all, we were very lucky. This time I won't even entertain the possibility that I won't be doing all the feeding so I don't know how I'll react if it doesn't work out!

    Good luck :) x
  • Susan Mann

    Susan Mann

    22 October 2012 at 13:42 |
    I fully understand where you are coming from. I breast fed for 3 weeks with my first and was told to stop as I was getting so dehydrated with my kidneys. It was hell. I felt like the worst mother in the world, but once I switched to formula we were both like two different people. I tried again with no 2 and was the same, but this time I didn't feel so bad when I switched to formula. I will try again with no 3 but again will do what is best for both of us. Hugs xxx

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