Read Part One- The Day We Met- here.
Read Part Two- Getting To Know Each Other- here.
Read Part Three- Moving In- here.
Read Part Four- Just Friends?- here.
Read Part Five- My New Life Without You- here.
I had let it go too far with Mr E and I was living with my boyfriend at the time. To this day I am not proud of myself but I couldn’t help it, two years of pent up tension, flirting and above all a close friendship, had peaked and I couldn’t fight my feelings any longer. I don’t know what changed in me, through all the years of Mr E wanting to be with me, I never thought of him in that way, but all of a sudden he was all I could think about.
I should have gone home from meeting Mr E and told my boyfriend and ended our relationship then but I didn’t. I went home and didn’t say a word.
There is absolutely nothing that I can do to excuse what I did but in my defence my boyfriend and I were not in what you would call a normal relationship. He had issues and we had only done the deed, so to speak, a couple of times in the whole course of our relationship. We were anything but normal, and in fact were more like friends, but deep down he loved me, or thought he did as I was his first girlfriend, so what I was doing was wrong. I do not condone cheating, far from it, I have seen first hand with my parents how much it can hurt people, but we were not a normal relationship. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him as I didn’t want to hurt him.
Mr E and I just wanted to be together. I wanted to be with him every second of the day and I would lie in bed at night and cry myself to sleep thinking about what a mess I had made of everything. It sounds dramatic or like something out of a soap but it is true. I had known he had feelings for me for two years- why was it only now that I realised how much I wanted to be with him too? Even my friends had been telling me for years.
I didn’t confide in a soul about the way I felt. We were still working together and going out as friends together and we both knew but we kept quiet. There is no way I would have ever taken it further than that- not while I was still ‘living’ with my boyfriend.
Eventually after a few weeks, I summoned up the courage to tell him and he moved out of our flat. It was horrible and hard, but I didn’t tell him about Mr E, we both knew it wasn’t working and there was no need to rub salt in his wounds by telling him. He didn’t take it well but at least it was done.
Now I was free to be with Mr E. Except we didn’t want people to know just yet. I didn’t want to hurt my ex further as I think he would have thought all along that something was going on between us, when in actual fact although deep down I had feelings for Mr E, apart from that almost kiss, there wasn’t anything physical between us.
We ended up having a relationship in secret and we loved every minute of it. From going from not being able to kiss or do anything else as I was still technically with my boyfriend, to being able to but in secret, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We would be downstairs in the office at work, cuddling, watching the CCTV in the bar above to make sure none of our colleagues would walk in. If someone had found out, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, I just didn’t want to hurt my ex even more and we were all colleagues. It sounds silly but I loved the thrill of having a relationship in secret- it was fun.
I had never been with anyone like Mr E. I think because we had been such good friends for two years, it just made our whole relationship extra special, we already knew everything there was to know about each other and we had this amazing intense connection on top of a physical one too. And he was and is, just incredibly romantic. One time after work, I was packing up to go home and he turned to me with a bottle of champagne. He led me with my eyes closed to an upstairs room in the bar which was empty. We walked in and the room was completely filled with candles, literally hundreds, and in the room was a little sofa, a picnic and a TV. We sat there and watched a film amongst all these candles. He treated me like a princess and I to this day never laugh as hard as I do when I am with him.
On September 3rd, it was his birthday and we decided to go on a night out just the two of us. To anyone else, this was nothing out of the ordinary, we always went out together when we were friends. He was, and still is, my favourite person to go out with. We had a great time together and at some point in the night went into the bar we worked in to get a drink. Alcohol lowering our inhibitions, we decided we didn’t care and ended up cuddling in front of everyone.
Our secret was out of the bag, and we could now tell everyone we were together…